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“Christmas! You’re kidding me! Is that why the plaza was full of donkeys and goat cheese and that dreadful jingly singly stuff? Bolt the doors quickly! Haki! Lock the gate! We don’t want anyone here full of good cheer or god forbid, bringing mince pies!”

“Oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god,” mumbled Finnley, head in hands and rocking strangely.

Elizabeth was startled by this strange behaviour from the normally quiescent Finnley.

“What on earth is wrong with you?” she asked irritably.

Finnley raised her head from her hands and regarded Elizabeth with tired, bloodshot eyes.

“What’s wrong with me?” she snarled. “I will tell you what is wrong with me. All these fucking batshit crazy characters making mess and expecting conversation is what is wrong with me. What’s going on? It’s not fucking Christmas is it?”

“Finnley, what are you still doing here? Can’t keep away, eh! Well, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, you amuse me,” Elizabeth said graciously.

“Just ignore her, Clove,” replied Corrie. “She’s only a maid, she can’t tell us what to do.”

“Come back here Haki, you silly goose! Send a message to the mother that I will meet her on Mars in six months time. Tell her,” Liz frowned, trying to think of the right words. “Tell her peace be with you and bugger off. And you can bugger off yourself now, Haki, and send Norbert in.”

Elizabeth felt that she was losing track of all the new characters being added willy nilly without her prior consent and approval, it was most disconcerting. She decided to make a new law, that no new character could add more characters without her express permission. She would grant the existing characters a weekly audience in which they could present their new characters for inspection. Characters that Elizabeth failed to approve would be sent to Mars, or the Australian outback.

I wonder if they realize, Elizabeth was thinking, that I could write them all out of the story at the rat tat tat of a few keys.

“Rat tat tat tat,” Elizabeth said to Haki by way of a warning, enunciating each word clearly, and then wincing as she bit her tongue again in the same place.

Arona Haki wasn’t sure what to make of it, and fled.

“I think it should be have you, not has you, Miss Liz” remarked Haki, helpfully.

Elizabeth bit her tongue, literally, in her attempt to swallow her reply.

“I blame you for that” she said, unfairly.

Elizabeth slept late, not waking until the alchemy of the early morning had long since passed and the sun was high. It was a long luxurious moment between the remaining fragments of dreams and the harsh reality of the day before she remembered all the new additions. Where had they all come from? By what strange forces of attraction had they been drawn to her?

Enough of that nonsense, she told herself, as she climbed into her arthritis as if it were a pair of old slippers. She buttoned on a belly ache for good measure, and placed a headache on top of her tousled hair.

“Now then” she said, “Who the fuck are you lot and what are you all doing here? Has any of you thought to make coffee?”“

”What exactly are you still doing here, Finnley? I have Haki to do the cleaning and look after the baby and Sonia. And what a beautiful job she does too. Without any unnecessary complaining,” Elizabeth added pointedly.

Finnley rolled her eyes. “And I suppose you expect her to do your proofreading as well?

“Oh yes,” Elizabeth conceded gratefully, always amazed at Finnley’s perspicacity.

”By the way,” said Finnley, ”I know you miss Godfrey but you might want to stop with all the comfort eating. Your bum is starting to look obese.”

Liz went to the patio followed by her rat poodle who was wearing a pink adidas jacket matching perfectly with Liz’ pink rabbit sleepers.
“Oh gosh, I forgot the little dirty thing”, she said rolling eyes.
Sonia, that was the dog’s name, barked like only rat poodles know how to bark, with a classy snappy high pitched tone.

Mater was more relaxed now that Finly had everything run smoothly at the Inn.

Granted, not all was to her liking, such as her choice of marmite against the usual favourite vegemite, but if you had to make some concessions to retain the staff, what the hell.

Finly had set up more strict rules for the children, which was a necessity. No parents, an irresponsible aunt, and frankly, herself was at an age where she had done her share of chores.

She wondered if the girl was not secretly trying to bribe her with the right mix of strength and kindness. After all she had offered to do her a facelift mask with manuka honey from her hometown. As if she would fall for that. At her age.

She had answered to her quite firmly to make things unequivocal And then, are we going to braid each other’s hair? The poor girl had looked a bit confused, but then very quickly went back to her tasks after muttering some sort of apology.

“While you are doing the upper floor,” Mater added with some afterthought “you should have a look at the attic, there seem to be a strange racket…”

“Yes, M’am, certainly. Probably rats. I’ll call the exterminator, M’am.”

If only that were so simple… Mater thought to herself.

Aunt Idle:

Trying to get a conversation out of Bert was like trying to prise a can of beans open with a nappy pin. If he’d been a bit more willing to discuss it with me I might have told him about the note, but I didn’t. I suppose he was disgruntled because I was more interested in that medical team buying up ghost towns than his bridge, so we sat in silence for the rest of the trip. Not that I wasn’t interested in the place on the other side of the river, but there was something very odd going on, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. That note, made from old maps at the Brundy place, then Flora’s card with the same name on ~ what the dickens was going on? Should I ask Flora point blank, or would that alert her that I was on to her? Might be better to be more subtle, see what I could find out before confronting her. I even thought of getting the remote view team to see if they could find anything out ~ although the results were so sketchy that might just be a wild goose chase, lead me off in the wrong direction.

“Take the next left, Idle, down this here track,” Bert said.

Miles away I was, so I didn’t hear him at first and had to slam the brakes on a bit sharpish. I caught Bert rolling his eyes at me and glared at him.

The track hadn’t been driven on for months, if not years ~ that much was obvious. We bumped along kicking up a cloud of dust for a few miles before the river came into sight, then the track followed the river for another half a mile or so, eventually petering out.

“We’ll have to walk from here,” said Bert, getting out of the car. I passed Bert the rucksack with the bottled water and locked the car. “You don’t need to lock the car here” Bert snorted.

“Habit,” I snapped, “Lead the way.”

“Arona Haki, have we any nappies? Or something to feed this thing? Baby formula and bottles, that sort of thing?” Liz asked.

The old woman shrugged. “How would I know?”

“Well you had better beetle off down to the shops then and buy whatever we need. I’ll hose it down on the patio.”

Shocked, Arona Haki wondered whether it was her place to tell the new boss that wasn’t the way to treat a baby. “Miss Liz, I really don’t think…”

“I don’t pay you to think!” Liz snapped, not that she meant it, but she felt the need to establish some respect, after the fiasco with the last staff.