The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler

Forums Yurara Fameliki’s Stories The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler

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  • #116
    EricEric
    Keymaster

      (And her struggles with editorial and cleaning staff anarchy)

    Viewing 20 replies - 41 through 60 (of 482 total)
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    • #3633
      TracyTracy
      Participant

        Arona Haki, have we any nappies? Or something to feed this thing? Baby formula and bottles, that sort of thing?” Liz asked.

        The old woman shrugged. “How would I know?”

        “Well you had better beetle off down to the shops then and buy whatever we need. I’ll hose it down on the patio.”

        Shocked, Arona Haki wondered whether it was her place to tell the new boss that wasn’t the way to treat a baby. “Miss Liz, I really don’t think…”

        “I don’t pay you to think!” Liz snapped, not that she meant it, but she felt the need to establish some respect, after the fiasco with the last staff.

        #3636
        EricEric
        Keymaster

          The Postshiftic traumanic drumneling groupcircle was helping a lot Godfrey with his new goals. He’d found there many like-minded individuals, working through their past trauma and healing psychic abuses with a good dose of mushrooms and drumming, and visits to the Spore Hit World.

          At first, hearing about the mushrooms, he was a bit anxious. Not so much about the hallucinogenic effects (he was rather impervious to them), but dreading that it would attract Elizabeth and detract from the catharsis.

          The other day, while he was walking in the street, and trying to stay in the Gnowme, he bumped into Finnley. He couldn’t recognize her at first. She usually hid her long flowing hair in some kerchief to do the chores, and hid her genius in plain sight.

          He couldn’t help but enquire about how things were going back at the Tattler Mansion, expecting a bit of disarray, but nothing like what she told him (in her usual scarcity of words).
          “A baby now? Seriously?”

          Liz didn’t strike him as the motherly type, looking by the way she treated her paper babies at least.

          “I heard she got herself a fine help, with a strong grip on things.”

          Godfrey sighed. It always started like that.

          #3637
          F LoveF Love
          Participant

            ’Okay, bye, gotta go,” said Finnley, already walking quickly away.

            After a few steps she stopped, paused reflectively for a moment, sighed deeply and turned back to Godfrey.

            ”She misses you. She is back into reading her friggin’ ‘Lemon Juice for the Soul‘ rubbish again. She always was a nutcase of course, but yesterday she was walking around shouting ‘We are like Tolkiens of the nonsense and marvelous!’”

            #3640
            AvatarJib
            Participant

              Liz went to the patio followed by her rat poodle who was wearing a pink adidas jacket matching perfectly with Liz’ pink rabbit sleepers.
              “Oh gosh, I forgot the little dirty thing”, she said rolling eyes.
              Sonia, that was the dog’s name, barked like only rat poodles know how to bark, with a classy snappy high pitched tone.

              #3641
              F LoveF Love
              Participant

                ”What exactly are you still doing here, Finnley? I have Haki to do the cleaning and look after the baby and Sonia. And what a beautiful job she does too. Without any unnecessary complaining,” Elizabeth added pointedly.

                Finnley rolled her eyes. “And I suppose you expect her to do your proofreading as well?

                “Oh yes,” Elizabeth conceded gratefully, always amazed at Finnley’s perspicacity.

                ”By the way,” said Finnley, ”I know you miss Godfrey but you might want to stop with all the comfort eating. Your bum is starting to look obese.”

                #3642
                EricEric
                Keymaster

                  “Madam?” Norbert asked sheepishly “where shall I put the hundred pots of clematis you had Haki order yesterday?”
                  Liz replied with a hint of exasperation “with the pergola, of course. Geez, Norbert. I thought you would have built and affixed it, by now…”

                  #3643
                  EricEric
                  Keymaster

                    Just as Elizabeth was explaining Finnley her thoughts about the Political Correction Police, and that her casting of overly stereotypical minorities wasn’t a cultural insensitivity on her part (including the fact that skinnies were more the minorities versus fatties here), the bell at the door interrupted her once more.

                    “Madam Liz, Madam Liz, there’s someone at the door, says he’s your husband… Not judging, but looks like a mess too.”
                    “Husband? He didn’t tell you his sequence number by any chance?”

                    #3644
                    F LoveF Love
                    Participant

                      Finnley snorted. “Madam Liz now, is it. Next she will be having us curtsey.”

                      MUST you snort and mutter all the time, Finnley? It really is most distracting, not to mention unattractive, and I need my wits about me to sort out this unexpected husband fiasco. It really is not a good time, not with my bum looking like this.”

                      #3645
                      AvatarJib
                      Participant

                        Norbert! Do you want my help with your nose ?” asked Liz, upset by the unappealing forraging of the gardener with his huge appendice.
                        “Is your nose smelling of finger or your finger smelling of nose”, began to sing Finnley. “I love those rock’n roll songs, agent provocateur.” she mumbled.

                        #3646
                        TracyTracy
                        Participant

                          Elizabeth slept late, not waking until the alchemy of the early morning had long since passed and the sun was high. It was a long luxurious moment between the remaining fragments of dreams and the harsh reality of the day before she remembered all the new additions. Where had they all come from? By what strange forces of attraction had they been drawn to her?

                          Enough of that nonsense, she told herself, as she climbed into her arthritis as if it were a pair of old slippers. She buttoned on a belly ache for good measure, and placed a headache on top of her tousled hair.

                          “Now then” she said, “Who the fuck are you lot and what are you all doing here? Has any of you thought to make coffee?”“

                          #3647
                          TracyTracy
                          Participant

                            “I think it should be have you, not has you, Miss Liz” remarked Haki, helpfully.

                            Elizabeth bit her tongue, literally, in her attempt to swallow her reply.

                            “I blame you for that” she said, unfairly.

                            #3648
                            EricEric
                            Keymaster

                              “By the way,” Haki mentioned with a smirk “did I tell you your mother called earlier? She’ll be visiting in a few days. I told her you were still in bed, she added it’ll do you good she comes, to get you off your butt —her words, not mine…”

                              #3649
                              TracyTracy
                              Participant

                                I wonder if they realize, Elizabeth was thinking, that I could write them all out of the story at the rat tat tat of a few keys.

                                “Rat tat tat tat,” Elizabeth said to Haki by way of a warning, enunciating each word clearly, and then wincing as she bit her tongue again in the same place.

                                Arona Haki wasn’t sure what to make of it, and fled.

                                #3652
                                TracyTracy
                                Participant

                                  Elizabeth felt that she was losing track of all the new characters being added willy nilly without her prior consent and approval, it was most disconcerting. She decided to make a new law, that no new character could add more characters without her express permission. She would grant the existing characters a weekly audience in which they could present their new characters for inspection. Characters that Elizabeth failed to approve would be sent to Mars, or the Australian outback.

                                  #3653
                                  TracyTracy
                                  Participant

                                    “Come back here Haki, you silly goose! Send a message to the mother that I will meet her on Mars in six months time. Tell her,” Liz frowned, trying to think of the right words. “Tell her peace be with you and bugger off. And you can bugger off yourself now, Haki, and send Norbert in.”

                                    #3655
                                    EricEric
                                    Keymaster

                                      Haki came back making haka postures to give her courage to face her despot employer: “you mother said: if you don’t want me around for Yule, I’ll come back for Ostara and the pagan futility rituals, you ungrateful daughter —her words, not mine.”

                                      She took advantage of the mother threat that seemed to render Liz speechless, to add

                                      “and your ex is still waiting since yesterday in the boudoir where you told me to put him. And Norbert will be here in a jiffy. He was working early to repair the potting shed.” her wrinkled look said all but disapproval about that last one.

                                      #3656
                                      EricEric
                                      Keymaster

                                        Haki, your nose is bleeding.”
                                        Liz felt a pang of guilt. It was an unlikely side effect of her bending the will of those around her and trying to mind-control her staff.
                                        Too much pressure… And didn’t help with the headaches either.

                                        #3657
                                        EricEric
                                        Keymaster

                                          “Thank you Mam’” Haki smeared the delicate handkerchief with crimson circles.
                                          “If you don’t mind me tellin’, he’s got a fine pair of assets, your fellow.”
                                          “EX-fellow, Haki, jeeze, contain yourself a bit!”

                                          #3658
                                          F LoveF Love
                                          Participant

                                            ”Don’t worry, Lady Elizabeth, Your Royal High Goddess, you go and take an aspirin. I will keep an eye on him for you,” smirked Finnley.

                                            #3660
                                            TracyTracy
                                            Participant

                                              Finnley, what are you still doing here? Can’t keep away, eh! Well, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, you amuse me,” Elizabeth said graciously.

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