Elizabeth Tattler, Bronkel, Finnley, Godfrey and others…
So the Story goes...
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“Oh, rrrrrrright. So now somebody wants to conferrrrr with me,” said Finnley petulantly, clearly still galled about the key fiasco. Not to mention the small-maid-in-the-large-trunk fiasco.
“Oh okay! I’ll confer,” she conceded quickly as Roberto started to wander off again.
“Good!” said Walter, rubbing his hands together. “A bit of cooperation wouldn’t go amiss around here!” he said, unbuttoning his trench coat and closing the door behind him.
“I wasn’t talking to you, I was conferring with Roberto”, she replied crossly, but it was too late. The disappearing gardener had vanished again.
Walter draped his coat on the back of a kitchen chair and sat down.
“Do sit down”, said Finnley with unmistakable sarcasm. “I’m far too busy to join you, I have dusting to do.”
“Finnley, do you always have to be such a show off with the italics and bold print?” asked Liz, even though Finnley wasn’t within earshot.
Roberto had gone to the swimming pool. He was mostly puzzled by how reality had shifted into those broken pieces that didn’t seem to fit together since he had come back from that strange tunnel with all the roots spawning strange characters from glowing pink bubbly growth.
It must have something to do with the pink liquid leaking frrrrom those strrrange pouches, he thought.He looked pensively at the swimming pool. Half of it was covered by thick ice while the other half was boiling with micro bubbles rising from the bottom and the walls, and steam slowly rising in the cool spring air.
Roberto had first thought there might be something wrong with the water cleaning mechanism of the swimming pool, but he had checked it and nothing was wrong, except the cleaning bot was stuck in the icy part of the swimming pool.
His second thought had been that it was a fancy pool cover installed by la señora Liz. But he didn’t find the retracting mechanism. La señora Liz and la muchacha Finnley, his colleague, seemed busy with the man with the moustache. Roberto had the impression the man wanted to find a wife, he didn’t want to intrude and say anything. He had tried to talk to el mayordomo Geoffrey, but he was busy again preparing another viaje de negocios for la señora.
So Roberto was there pondering in front of the swimming pool. That’s when he noticed the entrance of the green maze just on the other side of the pool, at the junction between summer and winter. He didn’t remember if it was there before.
“You haven’t been eating those brownies that were cooling on the kitchen counter, have you, Roberto?” asked Finnley. “They were, er, medicinal, you know.”
“They don’t make you see things that aren’t there, you know, Finnley. They enhance your awareness of the normally concealed from view. Finnley? Finnley! Where are you?” Liz cried in exasperation.
“Here I am,” replied Finnley eventually.
“Thank goodness for that,” exclaimed Liz with evident relief. “None of the other staff are as habile as you.”Finnley presented the plate of freshly baked round cookies to Liz who took one and watched it warily, not sure how to feel about them. Certainly the herbal chocolate made her mouth watery like the Niagara falls, but…
“Why on earth did you give them those baby faces?” she asked.
Finnley shrugged.
“I’ve been taking pottery class recently and thought I could do extra practice at home. I have a project you know.”
“Have you heard of nailed it?” Liz asked, biting in into the cheek of one chubby little cookie with melting sugary blue eyes. It distorted its laughing mouth in such a way that it looked like it was crying now. She felt a bit guilty about it, but the chocolate taste exploding in her own mouth made her forget all about it and she swallowed the other cheek.“Look! they can move!” said Roberto. He was pressing on the sides of one particularly creepy little face, making its mouth talk. “Give me milk!”
“Stop playing with food, Roberto,” said Finnley. The hispanic gardener looked at her with puppy eyes and swallowed whole the baby cookie. “Showy,” he said his mouth full.
“Where is Godfrey, now,” she muttered, “Everyone needs to taste one.“I dreamed of a red dog,” Liz said with her mouth full of dimpled baby chin, “And a white dog, down by the river.” She picked up a chocolately shell like baby ear off her lap and popped it into her mouth, and continued, “I was going to bring the red dog home, you know, and then, “ Liz paused to bite the little baby button nose off, leaving just the eyes and forehead, “I realized that it was just fine where it was.”
“Must you speak with your mouth full of baby faces, Elizabeth?” asked Godfrey, miming a green sick emoticon.
“Speaking of green stuff, what’s with Roberto and his new green mohican?” whispered Godfrey conspiratorially to Liz. He kinds of look just like a Mary river turtle now… Only with less moss around the nose…”
“I think it’s one of Finnley’s idea of a practical joke… She may have suggested that it would look cute on him.”
Godfrey paused, considering the thought. “Well, that for sure would make it nicely into your new book, Liz’,” he said pointedly.“A new book?” Finnley couldn’t help but overhear, and had faked the loveliest enticed look on her face.
Liz’, who wasn’t one to be fazed by the rumbustious maid quickly snapped back “Yes, it’ll start in the most unexpected manner you see. With an ending.”
“Great,” said Finnley with her usual understated enthusiasm (lovely enticed look on her face notwithstanding). She looked sternly at Godfrey and pointed accusingly in the direction of his still open mouth, an endearing habit he had when pondering.
“And still on the subject of green, Godfrey has been into my delicious pesto again! Don’t try and deny it!” she admonished him sternly as he quickly clamped his mouth shut. “We all saw the evidence affixed to your teeth.”
“I don’t know what you are all nattering about, as usual, but I will say this: I just saw a miniature skull with a bright pink Mohican,” Liz piped up, in an attempt to stay abreast of things. “Oh, and Finnley,” she added, “I think you’ll find that’s some of my saag paneer, not your pesto.”
Liz had an idea, and was glad that the others were all out on a day trip to the museum so that she could think about it without interruptions. It had occurred to her that there was probably a theme right under their noses regarding the multitudes of non endings in the stories. Where exactly had they all ended without actually ending?
Sure enough, the first one she looked at seemed promising with the mention of sheets:
“Yurick woke up from another spell of dreams. The patterns of the bedsheets where as though his newly inserted tile was creating a strong combination with other tiles.
In his puzzlement, he forgot to take a physical dream snapshot…”Liz had had a personal breakthrough with bedsheets recently, and was pleased with this encouraging start.
When Liz looked at the next non ending of a story, she wondered if this would prove to be a theme: the characters themselves had gone missing.
“I haven’t heard a word from Lavender for the longest time, Lilac was wondering, When was the last time? Lavender, where ARE you?”
Liz had a slight jolt when she saw the non ending of the story after that, worried that she would find a trend of herself being the last writer to comment. What would that mean, she wondered?
“Minky was looking smug. “Enjoying the ride?”
Ending with a question? Well, that was something to think about. Liz was relived to find she wasn’t the last writer to write in the next story:
“For once, Arona was completely unconcerned about continuity.
“I wonder if we could harness the power of the wind to create a flash mob to amuse and entertain me?” she suggested.
Vincentius pondered for a moment “I did once employ a hamster to power a night light, so I don’t see why not.”Smiling at the continuity remark, Liz pondered the nature of the message in this one. Anything can be created to amuse… can it be that easy?
Another nasty jolt as Liz read the last entry in the following story, considering the irritating few days she had just had with the online payment company:
“She clicked with her dysfunctionning mouse and invalidated the transaction again.”
Well, Liz said to herself, I certainly hope that little chuckle will have helped change the online transaction situation going on here presently!
The biggest shock of all was finding the unposted draft comment under the random rewreights story, but what on earth was it all about?
“Interestingly such bodies alone while the heads cling to — when they felt the desire for movement, that is.
At least, that’s what the Forehead was thinking while shaving — as it did not have enough appendages to be able to meditate while defecating, which was by far, it was told, the best method of enlightenment known to Peasmen and other sensible beings.
Anyway, how odder can it be, it thought again. It may well be time to shift all of this a bit — why would each head need such a renewal of bodies and thus incarnations (or more properly, “embodiments”) without itself changing. Funnily enough, the alien bodies had in fact no need for heads. They actually had more than one: one for each of the sensory tendrils coming out of their shoulders. And according to them, Peasland bodies could very well start their ®evolution just now.
alone were reproducing while the heads had to constantly find out new bodies to cling to — when they felt the desire for movement, that is.At least, that’s what the Forehead was thinking while shaving — as it did not have enough appendages to be able to meditate while defecating, which was by far, it was told, the best method of enlightenment known to Peasmen and other sensible beings.
Anyway, how odder can it be, it thought again. It may well be time to shift all of this a bit — why would each head need such a renewal of bodies and thus incarnations (or more properly, “embodiments”) without itself changing. Funnily enough, the alien bodies had in fact no need for heads. They actually had more than one: one for each of the sensory tendrils coming out of their shoulders. And according to them, Peasland bodies could very well start their ®evolution just now.”Liz was baffled, and decided to go and sit in the sun and think about it and see if any of this had helped, before continuing.
Before she went outside she couldn’t resist having a look at the next non ending, and found it rather intriguing:
“He had a brief hesitation for the reignited spark left in the draft of wind that would follow, but had figured for some time now, that all things would be alright in the end, and if it were not the case, then it wasn’t the end.”
“I have no bloody idea what just happened here” mused Godfrey to his cashew nut, mimicking Liz’ odd behaviour when she talked to the drafts of air only she could see, and stopped dead in her tracks and with wide saucer-sized eyes as if she was talking to Faes invisible to mortals such as themselves.
“But I’ll expect Finnley would be able to ghostwrite all of it into a next bestseller. Wouldn’t be the first time, or the first Finnley to tackle the impossible.
“But seriously,… I feel a bit concerned,” he found talking to the renewed pile of cashews in his palm oddly soothing, as they one by one disappeared. “All this sudden concern of old age, retirement and whatnot. It’s not like Liz’. She’d better snap out of it. Her well of inspiration is getting drier every minute she spends worrying about money.”
He was considering naming the last cashew he’s salvaged. “What do you think, Rufus?”
“So true, so true”, murmured Liz appreciatively. “I’m so glad I wrote Godfrey into the story. But who the devil is Rufus?”
I think you’re in dire need of a tonic, my dear Liz’.
Lest it be said I’m a piece of platonic garbage, I’ll go right away get Finnley fetch you one.
And no need to say it’s a synchrotonicity.“We are out of tonic so you can’t ask Finnley to fetch me a tonic and I doubt the lazy girl would get me a tonic anyway, even if we did have tonic,” said Liz matter-of-factedly. Some might even say a tad grumpily.
“That was quite rude,” announced Finnley entering the room with a tonic for Liz. “Look what I found … some tonic for what ails you.”
“Tonic you say?” Liz looked interested. “What sort of tonic?”“That’s one word for it I suppose,” said Finnley in a monotonic voice. She considered for a moment. “Maybe “daft” would be another”.
“In the pentatonic scale of things, one can only shake ones head kindly,” mumbled Liz, humming tunefully. “Of course, geotectonically speaking, “ she added, “Would be quite another matter, and could potentially result in considerably more shaking than an indulgent platonic head.”
“Where does that music come from?” asked Liz baffled that someone could play such unLiz music while she was there.
Godfrey and Finnley looked at each others rolling eyes and gulped another glass of tonic.
“Well, why. It’s Roberto,” said Godfrey. “He came to me the other day with an old VHS he had found in the cellar. Apparently an old French gym program called Gym Tonic with two girls hopping and stretching for one hour.”
“I didn’t even know we had a cellar here,” said Liz. More treasures to find, she thought, her eyes glittering.
“I recognise that look of yours,” said Finnley, “Don’t even think about it. You’ll come back and scatter spiderwebs and dust all around and I’ll have to find someone to clean your mess. Take another tonic.” Finnley handed a glass to Liz and Godfrey looked, one eyebrow raised dramatically, at her other hand hidden behind her back. It held a small vial that looked empty.
