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December 15, 2021 at 7:53 am #6234
In reply to: The Elusive Samuel Housley and Other Family Stories
Ben Warren
Derby County and England football legend who died aged 37 penniless and âinsaneâ
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Ben Warren 1879 â 1917Â was Samuel Warrenâs (my great grandfather) cousin.
From the Derby Telegraph:
Just 17 months after earning his 22nd England cap, against Scotland at Everton on April 1, 1911, he was certified insane. What triggered his decline was no more than a knock on the knee while playing for Chelsea against Clapton Orient.
The knee would not heal and the longer he was out, the more he fretted about how heâd feed his wife and four children. In those days, if you didnât play, there was no pay.Â
âŠ..he had developed âbrain feverâ and this mild-mannered man had âbecome very strange and, at times, violentâ. The coverage reflected his celebrity status.
On December 15, 1911, as Rick Glanvill records in his Official Biography of Chelsea FC: âHe was admitted to a private clinic in Nottingham, suffering from acute mania, delusions that he was being poisoned and hallucinations of hearing and vision.â
He received another blow in February, 1912, when his mother, Emily, died. She had congestion of the lungs and caught influenza, her condition not helped, it was believed, by worrying about Ben.
She had good reason: her famous son would soon be admitted to the unfortunately named Derby County Lunatic Asylum.

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As Britain sleepwalked towards the First World War, Benâs condition deteriorated. Glanvill writes: âHis case notes from what would be a five-year stay, catalogue a devastating decline in which he is at various times described as incoherent, restless, destructive, âstuporoseâ and âa danger to himselfâ.ââ
photo: Football 27th April 1914. A souvenir programme for the testimonial game for Chelsea and Englandâs Ben Warren, (pictured) who had been declared insane and sent to a lunatic asylum. The game was a select XI for the North playing a select XI from The South proceeds going to Warrenâs family.

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In September, that decline reached a new and pitiable low. The following is an abridged account of what The Courier called âan amazing incidentâ that took place on September 4.
âSpotted by a group of men while walking down Derby Road in Nottingham, a man was acting strangely, smoking a cigarette and had nothing on but a collar and tie.
âHe jumped about the pavement and roadway, as though playing an imaginary game of football. When approached, he told them he was going to Trent Bridge to play in a match and had to be there by 3.30.â
Eventually he was taken to a police station and recognised by a reporter as Englandâs erstwhile right-half. What made the story even harder to digest was that Ben had escaped from the asylum and walked the 20 miles to Nottingham apparently unnoticed.
He had played at âTrent Bridgeâ many times â at least on Nottingham Forestâs adjacent City Ground.
As a shocked nation came to terms with the desperate plight of one of its finest footballers, some papers suggested his career was not yet over. And his relatives claimed that he had been suffering from nothing more than a severe nervous breakdown.
He would never be the same again â as a player or a man. He wasnât even a shadow of the weird âfootballerâ who had walked 20 miles to Nottingham.
Then, he had nothing on, now he just had nothing â least of all self-respect. He ripped sheets into shreds and attempted suicide, saying: âIâm no use to anyone â and ought to be out of the way.â
âA year before his suicide attempt in 1916 the ominous symptom of âdry coughâ had been noted. Two months after it, in October 1916, the unmistakable signs of tuberculosis were noted and his enfeebled body rapidly succumbed.
At 11.30pm on 15 January 1917, international footballer Ben Warren was found dead by a night attendant.
He was 37 and when they buried him the records described him as a âpauperâ.â
However you look at it, it is the salutary tale of a footballer worrying about money. And it began with a knock on the knee.
On 14th November 2021, Gill Castle posted on the Newhall and Swadlincote group:
I would like to thank Colin Smith and everyone who supported him in getting my great grandfatherâs grave restored (Ben Warren who played for Derby, Chelsea and England)
The month before, Colin Smith posted:
My Ben Warren Journey is nearly complete.
It started two years ago when I was sent a family wedding photograph asking if I recognised anyone. My Great Great Grandmother was on there. But soon found out it was the wedding of Benâs brother Robert to my 1st cousin twice removed, Eveline in 1910.
I researched Ben and his football career and found his resting place in St Johns Newhall, all overgrown and in a poor state with the large cross all broken off. I stood there and decided he needed to new memorial & headstone. He was our local hero, playing Internationally for England 22 times. He needs to be remembered.
After seeking family permission and Council approval, I had a quote from Art Stone Memorials, Burton on Trent to undertake the work. Fundraising then started and the memorial ordered.
Covid came along and slowed the process of getting materials etc. But we have eventually reached the final installation today.
I am deeply humbled for everyone who donated in January this year to support me and finally a massive thank you to everyone, local people, football supporters of Newhall, Derby County & Chelsea and football clubs for their donations.
Ben will now be remembered more easily when anyone walks through St Johns and see this beautiful memorial just off the pathway.
Finally a huge thank you for Art Stone Memorials Team in everything they have done from the first day I approached them. The team have worked endlessly on this project to provide this for Ben and his family as a lasting memorial. Thank you again Alex, Pat, Matt & Owen for everything. Means a lot to me.
The final chapter is when we have a dedication service at the grave side in a few weeks time,
Ben was born in The Thorntree Inn Newhall South Derbyshire and lived locally all his life.
He played local football for Swadlincote, Newhall Town and Newhall Swifts until Derby County signed Ben in May 1898. He made 242 appearances and scored 19 goals at Derby County.
28th July 1908 Chelsea won the bidding beating Leicester Fosse & Manchester City bids.
Ben also made 22 appearanceâs for England including the 1908 First Overseas tour playing Austria twice, Hungary and Bohemia all in a week.
28 October 1911 Ben Injured his knee and never played football again
Ben is often compared with Steven Gerard for his style of play and team ethic in the modern era.
Herbert Chapman ( Player & Manager ) comments â Warren was a human steam engine who played through 90 minutes with intimidating strength and speedâ.
Charles Buchan comments âI am certain that a better half back could not be found, Part of the Best England X1 of all timeâ
Chelsea allowed Ben to live in Sunnyside Newhall, he used to run 5 miles every day round Bretby Park and had his own gym at home. He was compared to the likes of a Homing Pigeon, as he always came back to Newhall after his football matches.
Ben married Minnie Staley 21st October 1902 at Emmanuel Church Swadlincote and had four children, Harry, Lillian, Maurice & Grenville. Harry went on to be Manager at Coventry & Southend following his father in his own career as football Manager.
After Benâs football career ended in 1911 his health deteriorated until his passing at Derby Pastures Hospital aged 37yrs
Benâs youngest son, Grenville passed away 22nd May 1929 and is interred together in St Johnâs Newhall with his Father
His wife, Minnieâs ashes are also with Ben & Grenville.
Thank you again everyone.
RIP Ben Warren, our local Newhall Hero. You are remembered.
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February 19, 2021 at 11:49 am #6187In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
Aunt Idle:
You canât blame me for not updating my diary because bugger all has happened all year. Borders closed, no tourists allowed in. How are bespoke bijou boutique establishments like ours supposed to survive? But weâre still here. Somehow weâve managed to keep the wolf from the door, but only just barely. I get a bit muddled up these days and canât remember the dates. Sometimes I find myself living in the past for weeks on end: things change so little around her that itâs easy to do. But what does it matter anyway?
Mater went into a sulk the likes of which I hope never to see again, when her 100th birthday party was cancelled. I thought she might give up the will to live, but oh no. Sheâs determined now to have a 110th birthday party now. She says the bloody pandemic ought to be over by then. I hope sheâs right. She changes her health food and exercise regimes as often as she changes her knickers. Well more often than that, probably, she doesnât bother much with personal hygiene. She says the germs keep her immune system in good shape. I think the smell of her would keep any plague ridden body well away from her, but whatever works, I always say. At least she isnât sulking anymore, sheâs grimly stoic now and tediously determined to outlive me.
I had some worrying news through the telepathic grapevine about the twins and Pan, theyâd gotten into the clutches of a strange cult over there. Iâve got a feeling they werenât really sucked into it though, I think they needed to use it as a cover, or to keep themselves safe. I say cult but it was huge, took over the entire country and even started spreading to other countries. As if the pandemic wasnât enough to deal with. I knew they shouldnât have gone there. Thereâs been a peculiar blockage with the telepathic messages for ages now. Itâs a worry, but what can I do.  I keep sending them messages, but get nothing in return.
Ah, well. We carry on as best we can. What I wouldnât give for an unexpected visitor to brighten things up a bit. Fat chance of that.
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January 29, 2020 at 4:21 am #5660In reply to: Two Aunties au Pair and Their Pert Carouses
Arthur was driving the minivan. It was an old Chewy Express van with the big bold âDRAPES CLEANINGâ sign on it that heâd repainted by himself over the years. The business wasnât doing great, truth be told, so heâd cut down the marketing costs, which according to Ella Marie wasnât a bright idea. âYou never know where you next patrons could hide.â Sheâd said, and then had him hooked up on some social website to post random things and get some likes and thumbs up. Heâd come a little late for the new centuryâs game and couldnât see any of the appeal, but heâd learned over the years never to make the missus irate.
Heâd been so glad when sheâd come back from the floods, unscathed and full of completely batshit crazy stories. Mummies and stuff. Sounded like being rolled in shredded drapes fanfiction to him. Complete garbage, but you canât tell people theyâre crazy, theyâd hate you for it, and in truth you may be wrong. You might be the one crazy and all the others the sane ones. Howâs that for a thought.
Anyway, he loved his Ella Marie dearly, and had learned not to sweat the small stuff. Like this night drive to a funny place sheâd just received coordinates from an acquaintance on the Net. Those were mad times, mad times indeed. At least, she could have told him she wanted to catch a new rare pokemeon go! in the dead of night, and it might have sounded⊠well, just as mad probably.
They were driving steadily, being careful about the road signs; the van wasnât much for crazy stunts anyway.
âHow far is that?â he asked the wife, who was busy on her phone tracking the route and chatting on the thing with her friends imaginary or else.
âNot far, luvâ. Next turn right, then left, then right and we should be there.â
The last turn took them off the road, and Arthur started to wonder if that wasnât another âturn left at your perilâ GPS experiment, where theyâd have to haul the van out of a tar pit, but it seemed fine so far. The place looked ominous, and full of croaking noises đžđžđžđž.
He killed the headlights, and moved in the parking lot at a crawl. There was no point in alerting whoever was there of their nocturnal visit. A barn owl flew straight in front of the van, scaring them.
âSTOP!â jumped Jacqui, whoâd been sleeping the whole time, and woke up to a frightful sight.
Arthur pushed on the brakes that gave off a screeching sound that would wake up a mummy.
âOoh, Iâve got a bad feeling about thisâ Ella Marie said. âSomething evil is afoot, that owl was bad omen.â
January 17, 2020 at 10:44 pm #5607In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
Mater
Thereâs no two ways about it: Iâve let myself go. Thereâs never any excuse for that, even if you are turning one hundred. Iâve always tried to impress this on Dodo, but will she listen? That hair of hers! God knows whatâs hiding in it. And those nasty dungarees she likes so much; theyâd stand on their own if she ever got out of them.
Not that I am one for fashion, mind. Last thing I bought was a few decades ago. Some striped pants that one of the twins helped me buy on the internet, on the line, as they say. The legs were that wide I was scared some critter might crawl up to my privates. Donât want that going on at my age! When Bert said he had a pair like it once, well, that was the last straw.
One hundred! Â Wonder if Iâll get one of those letters from the King. Thatâs about all the monarchy are good for now. After that debacle back in the 20âs, thought theyâd do away with them. But old big ears is hanging in there; reckon he must be nearing his hundredth soon.
Anyway, the mirror doesnât lie and what itâs telling me ainât so fancy. My hair looks like something the moths have had a chew at and Iâve put on that much flab the only thing will fit me is a potato sack. And now Pruneâs planning some big birthday bashâŠIâve got my work cut out! She thinks I donât know but thereâs not much gets by me. If people think youâve lost your marbles, theyâll say all sorts in front of you. And since those magic pills the aboriginal fellow gave me, my marbles are all back where they should be, thank you very much! Now I just need some pills for my boobs.
January 17, 2020 at 2:39 pm #5602In reply to: Cavorting Aunties Background
Mr August Finest
August was born in Timboocto, California in 1975. Heâs a Black veteran, well-spoken, and comes from a wealthy family from Philadelphia.
Before he became chief of staff for the Beige House, he shunned a promising lawyer and political career which his family wanted for him, and enlisted in 2001. He served multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and got decorated for bravery. However, this life is now behind him, and he prefers to focus on his duties as chief of staff. His deep respect for chain of command prevents him from commenting on his likes or dislikes of the current President, which makes him see the good in unlikely situations.
In his free time, he collects golf balls and pewter memorabilia from the Civil War.
January 17, 2020 at 2:03 pm #5600In reply to: Cavorting Aunties Background
June
June was born in Glasgow, Kentucky in 1957. Her real name is not known yet. She comes from a military family who used to move around a lot, hence, never really felt home in any place, and kept largely her distances with relatives. At a young age of 17 (1974), she eloped with her then fiancĂ© and did a tour of the USA on a shoestring, aiming to stow away on a Californian ship to reach Hawaii. We find her years later, happily divorced, and sought in 5 states for various charges, primarily identity theft and credit card fraud. A chance encounter with April led her to her next scam: registering as an experienced nanny âau pairâ, coming from Glasgow, Scotland. She didnât manage to stay too long at her employs, yet a fortunate event led her to apply and be selected for the nursing of the Presidentâs precocious baby. She loathes all that the President represents, but likes a challenge, and the irony of being a wanted con-artist on the run under the nose of the Secret Services.
December 25, 2019 at 7:59 am #4954In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
Aunt Idle:
Bert tells me itâs Christmas day today. Christmas! I just looked at him blankly when he told me, trying to bring to mind what it used to be like. I canât remember the last time Christmas was normal. Probably around fifteen years ago, just before the six years of fires started. Itâs a wonder we survived, but we did. Even Mater. God knows how old she is now, maybe Bert knows. Heâs the one trying to keep track of the passing of time.  I donât know what for, heâs well past his sell by date, but seems to cling on no matter what, like Mater. And me I suppose.
We lost contact with the outside world over ten years ago (so Bert tells me, I wouldnât know how long it was). It was all very strange at first but itâs amazing what you can get used to. Once you get over expecting it to go back to normal, that is. It took us a long time to give up on the idea of going back to normal. But once you do, it changes your perspective.
But donât get me wrong, it hasnât been all bad. We havenât heard anything of the twins, not for a good ten years or more (youâd have to ask Bert how long) but I hear their voices in my head sometimes, and dream of them. In my dreams theyâre always on the water, on a big flat raft boat. I love it when I dream of them and see all that water. Donât ask me how, but I know theyâre alright.
Anyway like I said, it hasnât been all bad. Vulture meat is pretty tasty if you cook it well. The vultures did alright with it all, the sky was black with them at times, right after the droughts and the fires. But we donât eat much these days, funny how you get used to that, too. We grow mushrooms down in the old mines (Bertâs idea, I donât know what weâd do without him). And when the rains came, they were plentiful. More rain than weâd ever seen here.
Well I could go on, but like I said, itâs Christmas day according to Bert. I intend to sit on the porch and try and bring Prune and Devan and the twins to mind and see if I can send them a message.
Pruneâs been back to see us once (youâd have to ask Bert when it was). She was on some kind of land sailing contraption, no good asking me what was powering the thing, thereâs been no normal fuel for a good long time, none thatâs come our way. Any time anyone comes (which is seldom) they come on camels or horses. One young family came passing through on a cart pulled by a cow once. But Prune came wafting in on some clever thing Iâd never seen the likes of before. She didnât stay long, she was going back to China, she said. It was all very different there, she said. Not all back to the dark ages like here, thatâs what she said. But then, we were here in the first place because we liked a quiet simple life. Werenât we? Hard to remember.
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August 2, 2019 at 6:00 am #4744In reply to: The Stories So Near
Newer developments
POP-IN THREAD (Maeve, Lucinda, Shawn-Paul, Jerk, [Granola])
Granola is popping in and out of the stories, exploring interacting more physically with her friends through Tiku, a bush lady focus of hers.
Luckily (not so coincidentally) Maeve and Shawn-Paul were given coupons to travel from their rural Canada town to the middle of Australia. Maeve is suspicious of being followed by a strange man, and tags along with Shawn-Paul to keep a cover of a young couple. Maeve is trying to find the key to the doll that she made in her secret mission for Uncle Fergus, which has suddenly reappeared at her friend Lucindaâs place. Sheâll probably is going to have to check on the other dolls that she made as well.
Jerk continues to administrate some forum where among other things, special dolls are found and exchanged, and he moderates some strange messages.
Lucinda is enjoying Fabioâs company, Maeveâs dog, that she has in her care while Maeve is travelling.FLYING FISH INN THREAD (Mater/Finly, Idle/Coriander/Clove, Devan, Prune, [Tiku])
The mysteries of the Flying Fish Inn seem to unravel slowly, like Idleâs wits.
Long time family member are being drawn inexplicably, such as Prune and brother Devan. The local bush lady Tiku is helping Finly with the catering, although Finly would rather do everything by herself. The totemic Fish was revealed to be a talisman placed here against bad luck â âfor all the good it didâ (Mater).
Bert, thought to be an old flame of Mater, whoâs acted for the longest time as gardener, handyman and the likes, is revealed to be the father of Prune, Devan, Coriander and Cloveâs mother. Mater knew of course and kept him around. He was trained in codes during his time with the military, and has a stash of potentially dangerous books. He may be the key to the mystery of the underground tunnels leading to the mines, and hidden chests of gold. Devan is onto a mystery that a guy on a motorbike (thought to be Uncle Fergus of Maeveâs story) told him about.DOLINE THREAD (Arona, Sanso/Lottie, Ugo, Albie)
Mandrake & Albie after a trip in the bayou, and looking for the dragon Leormnâs pearls and the sabulmantium, have finally found Arona after they have emerged from the interdimentional water network from the Doline, to the coast of Australia in our reality, where cats donât usually talk.
Albie is expecting a quest, while the others are just following Aronaâs lead, as she is in possession of a mysterious key with 3 words engraved.
After some traveling in hot air balloon, and with a local jeep, they have arrived at a local Inn in the bush, with a rather peculiar family of owners, and quite colorful roster of guests. Thatâs not even counting the all-you-can-eat lizard meat buffet. What joy.NEWSREEL THREAD (Ms Bossy, Hilda/Connie, Sophie, Ricardo)
Ms Bossy is looking to uncover the Doctorâs surely nefarious plans while her newspaper business isnât doing so well. Sheâs got some help from Ricardo the intern. They have found out that the elderly temp worker whoâs fascinated by the future, Sophie (aka Sweet Sophie) had been the first subject of the Doctorâs experiments. Sophie has been trying to uncover clues in the dreams, but itâs just likely she is still a sleeper agent of the Doctor.
Despite all common sense and SMS threats, Hilda & Connie have gone in Australia to chase a trail (from a flimsy tip-off from Superjerk that may have gone to Lucinda to her friend journalist). They are in touch with Lucinda, and post their updates on social media, flirting with the risk of being uncovered and having trouble come at their door.
Sha, Glo and Mavis are considering reaching out for a vacation of the nursing home to get new free beauty treatments.
In his secret lair, the Doctor is reviving his team of brazen teafing operatives: the magpies.LIZ THREAD (Finnley, Liz, Roberto, Godfrey)
Not much happened as usual, mostly an entertaining night with Inspector Melon who is quizzing Lizâ about her last novel about mysterious messages hidden in dolls with secret keys, which may be her best novel yetâŠ
DRAGON đ WOOD THREAD (Glynnis, Eleri, Fox/Gorrash, Rukshan)
Before Rukshan goes to the underworld land of Giants, heâs going to the cottage to gather some of his team of friends, Fox, Ollie etc. Glynis is taking care of Tak during Margorittâs winter time in the city. Margorittâs sister, Muriel is an uninvited and unpleasant guest at the cottage.
Tak is making friends with a young girl who may have special powers (Nesy).
The biggest mystery now is⊠is the loo going to get fixed in time?July 23, 2019 at 8:33 pm #4717In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
Aunt Idle:
As if I didnât have enough to think about without this! Bert had let it slip that heâd been down to the old Brundy place but that man is like a sardine tin without a key when heâs got a mind to be secretive, and he wouldnât tell what the dickens was so important down there that he had time for it, now of all times. That got me thinking about that time the twins brought a life sized doll from down there and scared me half to death, but before I had time to start thinking about those ripped up maps that ~ Iâll be honest ~ Iâd forgotten about, Finly burst in with her hand over her mouth and a wild look in her eye.
âDonât be sick in here!â I snapped and quickly swung her round by the shoulders and gave her a shove in the direction of the bathroom, but then she blurted out that Prune had eaten the chicken. âPrune?â I said, admittedly rather stupidly, I mean, nobody told me Prune was coming, or had I forgotten? And then Finly shook me ~ actually shook me bodily! ~ and shouted, No, The CHICKEN! Thatâs when my own hand flew to my mouth, and I said, Not the chicken. Finly said Yes, and I said No, and this went on for a time until I had a moment of clarity.
Donât tell her what was in the chicken, Finly, I said, Just go and give her something to make her sick. Quickly!
Bloody woman rolled her eyes in a most unnecessarily exaggerated fashion at me and fled. I was left contemplating the nature of modern humans and their love of theatricals when it dawned on me that making Prune take something to make her vomit, at such short and urgent notice, with no explanation forthcoming, might be difficult to accomplish. Especially for the likes of Finly. I wondered if we had time to devise a cunning plan, or if we had no choice but to resort to brute force.
Thatâs when a little voice popped in my head and said, âMagic: The last resort.â
June 14, 2019 at 9:29 am #4607In reply to: Eight Turns of the Wheel
The Voodoo witchâs lair was surprisingly well furnished, nestled underground, accessed through a staircase hidden beneath the bema of a derelict church.
The decor wouldnât have been to Aronaâs tastes, Mandrake thought, but he wasnât one to judge human likes. There were baroque displays of gaudy drapes, golden chains hanging from the walls, shrines dripping in red ointments with grotesque painted figures, and the usual paraphernalia one would expect in a Voodoo Witchâs lair. To a catâs eye, all looked actually quite comfy.
The setting had made an impression on the boy, and Albie was standing like a statue mesmerized by the shadows on the walls cast by the waving candlesâ flames.
âHave you brought âem my boy?â the rich voice of the priestess asked from the cabriolet armchair arranged under an extravagant canopy.
Mandrake pushed the boy aside, and dangled the bag of pearls in front of her.
âTheyâre yours as soon as you fulfill your end of our deal.âNovember 23, 2016 at 3:38 am #4206In reply to: Seven Twines and the Dragon Heartwoods
Glynis likes to light candles before dark. She has a trail of candles leading from the kitchen to her small bedroom down the hallway. She made the candles herself by extracting the wax from the bayberries which grow with wild abandon on the bushes in front of the house. The candles burn cleanly and have a beautiful scent which helps her drift to sleep at night.
Glynis is in the portion of the house which was once the servantsâ quarters. Part of the main house was destroyed in a fire many years ago and seemingly abandoned for good. There are acres of garden, once beautifully manicured, now overgrown and vibrant with life.
She is not sure how long she will stay here and lately has felt a restless pull to move on. Where? She is not sure. So for now, she practices her magic arts and knows she has much to learn.
Glynis is about to retire for the evening when something catches her attention. A flicker of light at the window. When she looks again there is nothing there. But something else is amiss; she can sense it.
âOh, what is this? Eleven jars of potion? Darnit! Iâm sure I made a clean dozen!â
July 5, 2016 at 9:18 am #4091In reply to: Newsreel from the Rim of the Realm
âThis Yannosh!â Quentin erupted when he saw the packed up mess in his suitcase.
âHow can this guy always muddy up the simplest things! I wonder why Tina likes him so much.â He eyed the suitcase and seeing the neatly packed shirts and trousers, he finally laughed at his outburst.
âYeah, that explains it!âHe picked the first clothes out of the pile, and got out of the room to find the breakfast.
The air was still a bit chilly in the morning, and the grounds seemed almost deserted. He wondered were the rest of the staff was. It was supposed to be a luxury resort, and beside the eccentric Barbara with her beehive hairdo, he had not yet seen many people.
âWell, no bloody wonder itâs called the Hidden People Spa! Nobodyâs up yet or what?â Quentin turned at the familiar voice.
âYou look in great spirits this morning dearâ he greeted Tina âHow was your nightâs sleep?â
âCan we skip the formalities Q, Iâm already bored. Letâs have a tartine of rĂșgbrauð at the Ăorramatur, shall we? Iâm famished.âMarch 31, 2016 at 6:24 am #4017In reply to: Cakletown and the Lone Chancers of Custard
Evangeline gaped at Funley, who was sitting on Edâs knee trying to wipe his brow with the bottom of her apron while he was trying to eat his buns.
âThe crumbs are all over your thighs, Funley,â Evangeline retorted, âAre those blue bits varicose veins?â
This scene is getting ridiculous, she thought, and started to cackle at the absurdity.
Stung at the cackling, Funley whispered fiercely to Ed, âSack the impertinent wench, give her the boot!â
âHeâll never settle down with the likes of you, Funley,â responded Evangeline, in a desperate attempt to validate the contribution to the furtherance of the plot with a flimsy attempt at continuity.
âPoor show!â retorted the erstwhile cleaner. âIncreasingly rubbish!â
She had a point.
Or did she?
December 17, 2014 at 9:38 am #3615In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
âFinnley?â asked Godfrey to appease the cat fight, âdid you order that surprise grocery vegetable basket they just delivered?â
Finley shrugged apathetically.
âWell, I hope everyone here likes celery and Chinese leek, because they were generous with it.âDecember 3, 2014 at 7:24 am #3600In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
When I left the Inn this morning, Mater seemed upset. I regularly kisses her on her forehead before going to the gas station, as I know it pisses her off, but today she seemed lost in her thoughts and she called me Fred. I donât like it when she does that, it gives me the impression sheâs losing it. I wonder whoâs going to hold that crumbling place when sheâs gone. Certainly not Dido, she canât focus her mind on a project for more than a few minutes, and it usually does not pass the stage of smokey ideas. I see clearly her game, sheâs messing around with Mater for God knows what twisted reasons. They never seemed to appreciate each others much, and Iâve only known them for eighteen years. Looking at how it didnât evolve much during that time, I bet it had been like that for quite some time. Family relationships are boring, and usually quite messy.
Take Joe for example, heâs crazy. His father is crazy, and his grand-father well he spent so much time in the mines that his family didnât really miss him when one of the tunnels collapsed while he was inside. They never found the body. The Mining company gave the family a ridiculously small amount of money as an indemnification. Joeâs father lost it in some fracking wallaby race. Bad luck had stuck to him his whole life. Jasper once told me to avoid him. I would have, even if it was not for my dead brotherâs warning.
Joeâs working at the gas station with me. He had been working there since he was sixteen when the school told his parents it was a waste of time [for them] to try and teach him anything valuable. His father beat him to keep up the appearances, but they were glad they could put him to work to bring in some more money.
Joe is nuts, but heâs not dumb. He just likes to experiment. He must have a good star watching upon him, unlike his father, because each time he manages to make something explode or break in a real bad way, but he always gets out without a scratch. Heâs excited, heâs finished working on his last project. He wants us to borrow a gas tank and go to his place after work. Iâve rarely seen him so excited. Weâll have to put off the hockey with Callum.
December 1, 2014 at 3:32 am #3592In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
I donât know what possessed Mater, but I like the new version of her.
Sheâs a true inspiration. The way she commandeers, how she pays attention to the little things. If she wasnât so wrinkled, Iâd want to become her.
She doesnât seem to need anyone in her life, maybe thatâs why sheâs so strong.I donât know how this all happened, but we now seem to do well enough. We have one paying guest (he seems to pay on time too, I donât know where he gets that kind of money around that place), and it seems we can afford some manservant. Well, thatâs something Aunt Idle would call that nice lady, surely not Mater. She was very kind to her.
Hope she doesnât get funny ideas like she should become some sort of Mary Poppins or the like.The way Mater was sad after her piggy passed, I realized having a dog is a huge commitment. I told Battista I lied and I was sorry, but we couldnât have the puppy. I knew she wouldnât mind, she likes to keep dogs around.
Instead, I thought I could start breeding guinea pigs; they donât live too long. Everybody thought stealing the fish was just a prank, but I wanted to pawn it to kick-start my business. The sad truth is that it isnât worth a dime.
Luckily, Bert who noticed me, said he would help.
I wonder why the only persons I can relate to are more than ten times my age⊠Sometimes Iâm like an alien in my own family.July 18, 2014 at 11:04 am #3275In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
Pseu deciphered laughter and a rather strange phrase in the burbling language, wondering if she had translated âget your mermaid shoehorns hereâ correctly. She decided to remove the protocol blindfold for a moment, just to be sure.
It was a strange sight that met her eyes, and she paused for a moment to get her bearings.
Consuela appeared to be in an underwater cave, full of gurgling bubbling creatures the likes of which she had never encountered before. The cave was bright with thousands of crystals, filled with the sweet sounds of music from a multitude of conch shells, chandeliers dripped with hundreds of magical looking keys, and the furnishings were tiled with a million unusual tiles forming a mosaic of endless connecting links.July 18, 2014 at 9:35 am #3272In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
âThere is a fine balance between touch ups and shoehorningâ
Jonbert was half-listening to the rant of his tailor and shoemaker, as he was trying on a new outfit and tartan kilt.
Jonbertâs temper had improved slightly, and he was up to moderate amount of grumpiness as heâd learnt of the arrival of the elder whale, and of the throwing of his guests in the midst of the cetaceans. That explained how he could tolerate much of it.âYou canât just shoehorn any pattern under the pretext that you fancy it. It has to be in harmony with the moment, in pure synchronistic bliss.â His tailor, Erldrich Lumoncelli, was often prone to bouts of philosophical ramblings that Jonbert had to suffer to get the perfect tailored suits he wanted.
âOh, bugger that nonsense,â he suddenly shouted, unable to suffer more of the airy monologue. âYouâll give me that gold and orange tartan and those yellow dots on my green shoes if I tell you so. Orange will bring out my shiny hair and light complexion I reckon.â
Color-blind Jonbert wasnât obviously as savvy for colour matching as he was for time-travelling business, but Erldrich knew better than to infuriate him with aesthetic negotiations.
âVery well Sir.â
He finished taking the measurements quickly, folded back the swatches of textile, and bowed out as if his house was on fire.Jonbert pulled back his heavy mane of hair into a neat French catogan, truly a unapologetic snobbishness on his part, as it didnât look very different from a usual ponytail, but somehow sounded more distinguished. Nobody likes to be compared to a pony, do they?
He walked past the great central hall of the submarine, into the Sightseethroughing Dome Room, and considered for a moment to visit the butterfly nursery, in case the new butterflies were hatched yet. But if butterflies had taught him something is that you couldnât hurry and cut open a cocoon before the butterfly was ready. There was no such thing as a mythical half-caterpillar half-butterfly creature, every change was a complete change, and it had its own timing.But now things were back on course, and the 22nd of February 2222 was still days ahead. Time again was on his side.
July 3, 2014 at 12:38 pm #3254In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
Ten meters in the aforementioned direction, after the light drizzle had stopped back to a wondrous sunny blue sky and slight freshening breeze, the robot was waiting for them.
âMs Merrie, I am your hostsâ robot, also at your service for the duration of your stay in 2222.â
Maurana whispered not very subtly âand how are we supposed to call the tin can?â unaware of the sensitive remote hearing function of said tin can.
âMonsieur can call me anything he likes, but my master usually calls me among many rude manners simply Varjis.â
All three queens looked a bit offended
âDid it call you Monsieur? How rude, your queen bikini was so fitting.ââAs Ms Merrie mentioned, we will be late for the wetsuit fitting and the soirĂ©e on the coast, before our trip on the masterâs submarine. If you would follow me.â
June 18, 2014 at 11:53 am #3234In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
âYouâre better off without him, reallyâ Adeline said. âIgor would never have settled down with the likes of you, Mirabelleâ
âWhat do you mean, the likes of me?â Mirabelle responded, wiping her eyes and sniffing.
âYouâre far too bossy for a man like thatâ replied Adeline tartly, pulling no punches.
âBut he needed someone like me to keep him in line! He goes off the rails quicker than a greased mermaid, always looking for trouble!â
âWell, itâs too late now, heâs gone, and if trouble is what heâs after, then trouble heâll find. Now, blow your nose and stop sniveling. Come on,â Adeline gave Mirabelle a quick hug. âItâs time for your driving lesson.â
Mirabelle cheered up at that, she was enjoying the driving lessons. It was something she could excel at without worrying too much about languages and attempting to communicate vague rambling thoughts. -
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