-
AuthorSearch Results
-
October 11, 2014 at 6:35 am #3542
In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
I am 73 years old and some think I look pretty good for my age. Not the kids—the kids think I look as old as Methuselah. When I was young my hair was jet black. Now it is white and I wear it in a long braid down my back; it is easy to look after and I certainly don’t trust Dodi to cut it, though she has offered. I wash it once a week and put vinegar in the final rinse to get rid of the yellow tinge. My back is straight, no dowager’s hump like some my age, and I can still touch my toes at a push. I married my childhood sweetheart—the love of my life—in 1958 and he died of sickness, April 12th, 1978. My favourite dish is spaghetti and meatballs. When I was younger, when I lived in Perth, I was a milliner. I don’t make hats now; there is not the same demand out here. And of course there is Fred, my son, who scarpered God-knows-where a year ago.
It isn’t much to say about a life, but I suspect it is way more than you wanted to know.
This reminds me; Dodi went to a funeral in Sydney a few months ago. The funeral of a dear school friend who died in a motor vehicle accident. Not her fault, as I understand it. She was driving along, minding her own business, returning home from a quiet night playing trivial pursuits at the local community centre. A teenage driver lost control of her car. She was fine; I mean the other driver was fine, barely a scrape. Dodi’s friend was not so fortunate. At the funeral of her friend—I forget her name—the place was packed.
At the time, when Dodi recounted the events of the funeral, I started thinking about my own future demise. It may perhaps sound morbid, or vain, but I found myself wondering who might be there to see me off. Other than the family, who would be duty bound to attend, I couldn’t think of many who would care enough to pay their respects—perhaps a few locals there for the supper afterwards and a bit of a chinwag no doubt.
I am rambling; I have a tendency to do that. I can’t blame it on old age because I have always rambled. The point is, I don’t think I have done much with my life. And this saddens me.
However, I suspect this is of less interest to you than the ghost I mentioned earlier.
The idea of a ghost is not a new concept at the Flying Fish Inn. It has been around for as long as we have been here. But it was just a joke—it wasn’t a real ghost, if you see what I mean. Every strange noise or other untoward happening we would blame on “the ghost”. The dilapidated look of the place lent itself very well to having resident ghost, it was almost obligatory, and Fred even had a plan to market our imaginary ghost as a tourist attraction.
So what changed? Well, I saw him.
September 28, 2014 at 8:33 am #3541In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
Funny thing was, none of this would be possible, if not for Liz’ impeccable release of new literary works. Despite her feigned struggles, she managed to release them like clockwork.
Prolific line-pissing writers like King had nothing to envy to her. She would document and expound on nearly every bit of news passing. As a matter of fact, most of her morning rituals were to document the press review, and make clippings out of the most absurd or mundane events, and somehow, weave enthralling tales with it.The last past years had been the most flourishing ones, mostly focused on tales of social responsibility in magical gardens, civil disobedience in cetacean societies, and financial collapse of ayahuasca economy based Amazonian tribes.
Well, to be honest, the magic had to be left to the Finnleys. It was nor the endless cleaning nor the unnerving bluster that had them resign. It was mostly that they were literary agents in cover aspiring to more than a life of cleaning. For what Elizabeth had as gift of prolixity, all the Finnleys were hired to put it all together, while sworn to secrecy.
Of course, with each best-sellers, they had to find a new one most of the time.Despite the occasional ill-temper, all of it seemed now like a well-oiled machine.
However, Godfrey was growing concerned about the last one of the Finnleys. Very concerned.September 28, 2014 at 8:31 am #3540In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
That Liz had started to become a few sandwiches short of a picnic when she’d hit her 57th birthday was an open secret.
Her editor had to personally recruit frequent replacements for her dame de compagnie, whom, no matter how different they looked, she would invariably call ‘cleaning lady Finnley’, stuck with her remembrance of a certain period of her life.Godfrey often had wondered… were he to resign, and be replaced like so many Finnleys before this one, would she also call his replacement “Godfrey”? The though made him titter, as he put the kettle on the stove.
At times he wanted to scream that he wasn’t her bloody man-servant, but her personal doctor had made a point to explain to him that Elizabeth’s frail grasp on reality would only be strengthened if everyone continued to play the charade of her life.Truth was, she really did seem to grow younger as the years passed, and as she was bossing around everyone with great enjoyment, Godfrey had often wondered if she wasn’t in cahoots with her physician to have everyone believe she was truly losing it.
He had to admit, she was doing a terrific job at it.September 27, 2014 at 4:48 pm #3534In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
“Godfrey, go and put the kettle on. Finnley wants a cuppa. Finnley come and sit down and tell me all about it.”
“All about what?” asked Finnley.
“Anything, dear, just make something up. The whole world is insane, and I’ve decided that the only solution is to ..to….”
“Godfrey, don’t just stand there with your mouth open like a goldfish, put the bloody kettle on. Liz needs a cuppa,” said Finnley.September 14, 2014 at 12:34 pm #3526In reply to: The Chronicles of the Flying Fish Inn
Another bang on my bedroom door, my hands suspended over the keyboard. “Go away Prune!” I shouted, exasperated. “If you bang on my door again, I’ll come out and give you such a wallop, now bugger off, will you!”
“It’s me, Corrie” came Clove’s voice. Walked over to the door and unlocked it. A chat with my sister might help me with this project. Unlike Prune, who would be guaranteed to disrupt my train of thought.
Locking the door again I tell Clove what I’m writing about. We don’t go to school, me and Clove, we’re what they call “homeschooled” but what that actually means in our case is that we’re left to our own devices most of the time. Aunt Idle asks us (when she remembers) what we’ve been working on, and as long as we’ve been writing something or researching something, she’s happy.
So when I saw the group project about alternative timelines to avoid the disaster timeline, I had some ideas. Well, to be honest, I didn’t have any definite ideas until I saw the other suggestions. All Americans, and all of them talking about changing the timelines by changing the results of presidential elections!
“Not much chance of a different timeline there then!” remarked Clove astutely.
“Exactly!” I knew Clove would get it, she knows were I’m coming from, but then, everyone knows twins are like that.
“So this is what the plan is, right: “The goal of this exercise is to discuss amongst the group and choose significant past moments, and then As a Group, focus on creating alternate histories, thus sparking alternate timelines. We should vividly imagine moving forward from those probability forks and creating a more viable and desirable future.” Oh, and this bit here: “ our current timeline is convoluted to the point where many probabilities are leaning towards a disaster scenario simply to shake out of the current focus.” And then all these suggestions about different presidents, and then this: “My suggestion would be also to consider how we would like our current time frame to appear,” so I’m thinking…”
“I’m thinking” interrupted Clove, continuing my train of thought, “Of all those states and communities that got with the programme ten years ago, and took their kids out of school and built those Earthships so they didn’t need money for water and electricity..”
“And started cooperative worker owned businesses like they do in South America….”
“And they all started a guaranteed basic income years ago, so everyone was doing what they did best, especially the kids, cos they had such great ideas and weren’t stuck in boring schoolrooms…..”
“and there was no poverty, and nobody without a home…”
“Yeah, and they all stopped paying taxes so there was no money for the military, and then loads more people stopped paying taxes too…”
“Good one, Clove!”
“So nobody gave a fuck what president was elected anyway, because they were all sorting themselves out, and those states and communities were doing so well…”
“Because they’d already been doing it for years” I added.
“…that other states and communities started doing it too.”
“So that it snowballed, like dominoes, and there were more and more of these places..”
“And they had exchange students and stuff like that to learn from each other, and shared stuff online..”
“So when the disasters struck, it wasn’t half so bad because there were already a bunch of people managing perfectly well without dollars or oil, and they could help the people in the disaster. Makes more sense that electing another blimmin president, huh?”
“Bloody obvious if you ask me” replied Clove. “Pity we don’t have basic income, did you see Mater’s face when she was talking to that debt collector?”
That made me laugh, remembering her waving the stick around. “Her face was as purple as her cardigan.”
In unison, we both starting singing Start Wearing Purple and dancing around, acting the fool. I had a purple wig hanging on the back of my chair, so I put that on, and Clove grabbed a purple feather boa off the coat stand. No shortage of wigs in this town, though god only knows why. Just about every damn trunk in every empty house is full of wigs.
September 12, 2014 at 2:55 pm #3523In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
“Anyway,” Godfrey continued after a ponderous moment, “you’ve gathered more documentation than you ever had before you started a book, Liz. Are you waiting for Finnley, (no offense)”, he waved at her while she was cleaning her overall methodically “to ghostwrite it for you or what?”
“Stop pushing me. You know the publishers, never happy without a working draft.”
“Exactly my point. Since when do you care about such things? All you need is a picturesque starting scene, don’t squander your wits in scattered tidbits.”
“Fuck off Godfrey. Now you got my limerick bone all tingly…”September 11, 2014 at 9:22 am #3520In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
“It’s starting to look like the flashbacks are going to be more interesting than the start of the story, Liz,” Godfrey mentioned, while perusing Liz’s notes.
“Does it matter?” she replied crisply.
“What are you mumbling, Finnley? Soliloquy? What’s that?”
Finnley rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to snort lest it make her cough.September 11, 2014 at 8:16 am #3514In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
“You know what, Godfrey? I could just happily populate imaginary towns and then leave them all to get on with it, you know what I mean? I could call myself The Populator. My George, I think I’ve found my forte.”
“Well, you are known for an unbridled passion for introducing new characters that nobody understands, Liz.”
“Exactly!” she replied happily.September 11, 2014 at 7:47 am #3511In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
September 11, 2014 at 7:22 am #3509In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
Godfrey was impressed. “Might be the wisest things you said ever, dear.” he chuckled.
Then, looking around, he whispered back with a mischievous smile
“What about the windows ? They do look a bit foggy, and there is this old bosun’s chair in the attic I’ve been dying to have tried for some time now…”September 11, 2014 at 6:24 am #3507In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
Godfrey filled his mouth with peanuts to avoid speaking any negativity.
The raucous cough had alerted him to the presence of the cleaning lady.In between mouthfuls, he whispered to Liz “Is there anything we can do, like having her breathe in a grocery store bag or anything? Her asthma has taken frightening proportions…”
September 11, 2014 at 5:51 am #3506In reply to: The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler
“I see you are doing well with the exploration of playful spontaneity, Liz,” remarked Godfrey with a dry grin.
“Don’t you start, Godfrey. Everything has to be planned down to the last detail first.”
“Controlled spontaneity is it?”
“More of a solid base, a platform if you like, a launch pad for a cooperation of revelation and inspiration, a raft for the craft to avoid a sea of confusion. That sort of thing.”
“So, how’s it going?”
“Oh, it’s going very well indeed! I think we’re on chapter 57 of the plans already.”August 28, 2014 at 2:01 am #3490In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
When Linda Pol arrived to the Time Seam Bar, it was St Germain’s time, and everyone in the bar was captivated by the show with the fat pole dancers, and the mesmerizing stroboscopic lights.
She yelled at the bar tender “where’s the management? I mean, the regent queens?”
Someone she hadn’t noticed yet seated next to her turned slowly and gave her a mean look. “What do you want with the management. I am the management here.”
“Dear God, Anna Purrna, you look like shit.”
August 24, 2014 at 1:49 am #3480In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
“It’s a fine thing Godfrey, really I am at a loss for words. One day, that’s all, just one day off, and what happens? Everything’s been rearranged or written off completely, it’s utter chaos. You just can’t get the staff these days.”
“You could have robots, like everyone else, Elizabeth.”
“Pah! Robots! Don’t talk to me about robots, too bloody predictable.”August 17, 2014 at 12:41 pm #3455In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
“I feel awfully responsible for the downfall of Karmalott, Godfrey,” Elizabeth said. “If I hadn’t mentioned aphids this disaster might never have happened to those poor people.”
“Yes, a few wooly aphids does seem to have snowballed into a crisis, doesn’t it?” he replied with a lopsided grin.
“It’s as if I transposed the crisis onto Karmalott to save my plants, somehow. As soon as I mentioned that the beanstalk had aphids, I haven’t had any aphids on my plants. Which is great, don’t get me wrong!” she added, “But I do feel a bit guilty.”
“But no feelings of guilt about all that debris from the beanstalk flattening the walls of Gazalbion?”
“Er, no. No, that feels fine.”August 13, 2014 at 8:48 am #3438In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
A man on a donkey making his way through the dust and rubble of the crumbling city elicited no attention, it was a common sight that attracted no attention. Sanso covered his hair and face with a blue shawl, more to keep the acrid cement dust out of his eyes that for purposes of concealment.
The destruction was appalling, but wonderfully symbolic ~ there were buildings still standing like lone sentinels amid the piles of smashed grey blocks and mangled steel girders, but the huge gaps where the great wall had been allowed a view of the rolling plain beyond. The heat shimmered across the golden dry vegetation, silver grey olive trees gnarled haphazardly on the gentle slopes, and far off a milky haze rose above the distant sea.
The donkey picked his way nimbly though the wreckage, scurrying figures clutching babies and assorted items rushed towards the holes in the perimeter wall, where the ragtaggle crowds fanned out as they ran through to the other side, as wild shouts of jubilation ~ as well as plaintive cries for loved ones lost in the chaos ~ ricocheted through the gutted buildings.
The donkey stopped at a site of devastation indistinguishable from all the others, and indicated to Sanso by bucking him off his back that this was the ruined tile factory, and then Lazuli shapeshifted back into his usual human form ~ short but stocky, black haired and brown eyed, with eyebrows that met in the middle ~ for ease of communication.
“Over there, look!” Lazuli pointed to wisps of dust rising from a depression in the rubble.
Shading his eyes from the glare of the sun, Sanso could make out four bent figures searching the debris, pulling out stones and tossing them aside, evidently searching for something.
“Fanella! I have come back for you!” Sanso cried, stumbling and banging his shins as he rushed over to her.
“And I have come for you too!” added Lazuli, following Sanso, and hoping to make a favourable impression on the girl, smitten with her long golden hair, elfin features and slender body.
“About bloody time, Sanso” said Lisa tartly, easing her aching back into an upright position. “You may as make yourself useful, and help Pseu find the tile she’s looking for and then we can get out of this godforsaken hellhole. Jack will be wondering where we are.”August 12, 2014 at 11:54 am #3431In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
Jeremy’s landing was confusing. He’d been lost in an emptiness —for God’s know how long— where it seemed there was no rule at all. He couldn’t see his body, nor feel it, which was somewhat disturbing for a dancer. He’d tried to speak but there was no mouth to produce sound. He should have been afraid, but there was no body in which to feel fear. Though he could certainly feel the presence of Max. They were kind of merged together, which was a bit confusing as he experienced the desire to lick his fur, stretched his body and curl his tail. The cat seemed content, which also helped Jeremy focus and relax even if there was no body to relax.
Then life sprang to him like a sausage. The association startled him for a moment, it was part of the minute mental and psychological adjustment to this new environment. His sense of hearing came back first. At first he heard round spitting sounds and red voices. Then it sounded more like human voices.
“Can’t you give him a blanket, he’s naked. Maybe your cape Arona”, said a woman’s voice.
“I think I have something in my bag that could suit him”, said a man.
“What don’t you have in your bag.”When his eyes could see, he saw orange strokes in the sky as if it was burning. He suddenly felt nauseous. Yep, no doubt he had reintegrated his body. He sat up straight, and gagged.
“He’s awake!”
Jeremy couldn’t decide if he was indeed awake or merely dreaming. The girl who had just talked looked quite green, and an angel was getting clothes out of a leather bag while Max was trying to befriend another cat busy talking with a girl in a cape. That’s when he saw the robot and a blond woman with fizzy hair. The name Irina popped into his head.
He tried to calm down with the breathing exercises he’d learned in his yoga class. The ruins of what looked like an ancient Mayan pyramid with Greek columns floating in the sky didn’t help.
“His vitals indicate confusion. Nonetheless, he’s recovering quickly from the transfer, Madam”, said Mr R.
August 8, 2014 at 2:22 pm #3402In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
Around 3:37pm, the three queens heard a loud noise coming from the street that lasted for about five seconds.
“What was that ?” asked Terry.
“It sounded like a fucking coughing ass”, said Consuela.
“It sounded more like someone grinding the pavement with sandpaper”, said Maurana.
Her two friends looked at her with an air of wtf.
“You remember my Uncle Bog, the sculptor ?” she continued. “He used to spend hours polishing granite with sandpaper. My father said he was just too lazy to get the job done. Well, it sounded a bit like that. Except louder.”Terry ran to the door and looked outside. She wanted to be the first to know.
“Oh My God! It’s her”, she said, her voice shaking. “She drives a Harley, and I think she just braked with her platform shoes. They’re still smoking.”
She turned and looked at them wide-eyed.
“She’s a dwarf queen.”August 6, 2014 at 11:06 pm #3387In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
And the rain fell.
Being on Abalone could give you the feeling of being God, in His youth.August 4, 2014 at 7:40 am #3365In reply to: The Time-Dragglers’ Extravaganzas
The room numbers were framed in a golden disc carved with what looked like zodiac animals and a circle of eights.
Linda observed the man walking in front of her. As soon as the effects of the lust gas had dissipated, she had been able to focus on something else than his butt. He’d been watching over his shoulder, and it was not to see if she was keeping with his pace. He had been frowning ever since she’d met him, and you could say his whole attitude exuded wariness. Despite her Happiness Training and the meditation practice at night with Sadie, she was beginning to feel some bowel tension. Not good for her digestion.
He stopped in front of room 57. He knocked, didn’t wait for an answer, instead used his magnetic key to open it, and entered. She followed. He looked one last time on both sides of the corridor, then locked the door.
They were in a big yellow lounge. Linda addressed a silent prayer to the Good Taste Goddess, sympathizing with the pain She must have endured each time an interior designer had expressed such lack of sobriety. It wasn’t just the color. The furniture seemed to come from Hart to Hart, except the sofa was in a dark yellow leather, and the cushions in a bright magenta.
“Wait here ‘till I call you”, he said. He left through a door on the right, taking his frown with him.
Linda heard him talk to someone in the other room, certainly a bedroom. A feminine voice answered him. They argued for some time. The woman was the last to speak. Then the silence.Linda hesitated to seat on a jumping armchair with yellow and brown stripes. It was as if every cell of her body, and even the molecules of her clothes were repelled by the choices of the interior designer. She would have sworn her platform shoes were trying to levitate from the carpet.
The man’s head appeared at the door.
“Come in, she’s ready to see you.”Linda could see emotions struggle on his face.
“But I warn you”, he said, his fists clenched, “she’s been sick since we have arrived. If my wife is tired, I’ll ask you to leave.”
“Oh!” Linda said.
-
AuthorSearch Results