Cakletown and the Lone Chancers of Custard

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      Beware, this story is for the light of heart and laughter inclined, not to be confused with Dafletown and the Tone Dancers of Dustard or Mapletown and the Mown Mancers of Mustard which are stories made of an altogether different cloth…

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    • #3836

      “Cheers!” said Bea, batting her eyelashes at Gustave while trying to suppress a grimace at another round of cackling coming from the contest in the function room. The combined effect was an alarming expression sensation saturation, and Gustave took an involuntary step backwards. He bumped into Linda Pol, who was wrapping her luscious lips around an authentic straw and sucking up voraciously the glowing rainbow cocktail.

      Linda! Fancy seeing you here!” Gustave exclaimed, trying to suppress a cackle at the sight of the rainbow cocktail running from Linda’s nostrils as she tried not to choke.

      Gustave! What on earth are you doing here with that old slapper!” she replied in between coughs and splutters, with a dismissive glance at Bea.

      Fortunately Bea was cackling so loudly at the sight of Linda choking that she failed to hear the remark.

      Not for the first time, Consuela, dolled up to the nines behind the bar in a purple wig and elaborate make up, wondered what it was about humans that they found it so amusing when people choked.


        “This is not fair !” The guy put down the blue dragon head on the table next to the ladies. He was still wearing the rest of his costume, scaly tail included.

        “Oh shut up Leo,” Linda cackled softly, making it sound like she’d called him Leormn or something. “We’re all prisoners here of our own device” she sang. “Who cares about how unfair it is. Even the rat took a break to Mumbai, instead of waiting for his next call by the Board of Authors. You should do the same. And get rid of this silly costume, you’ve had it for as long as I’ve known you. Or keep it. I don’t care.
        Next round of cackle is on me!”


        “How did you know about the rat?” Bea leaned surreptitiously, having overheard the conversation in some way.
        “Oh, I don’t know, I guess Irina told me,… or was it Aqua Luna?”


        Al’s gone too far this time, TinaBecky said, perusing the latest installment of the Reality Play. “He’s just adding old characters willy nilly now!”

        Tina just looked at Becky for a moment before replying quietly, “Isn’t that the point?”

        Gripping Tina’s shoulder firmly and giving her a little shake, Becky continued, “It’s getting serious, Tina, can’t you see the danger we’re in? Fictional characters are coming to life all over the planet, demanding birth certificates and passports and refugee status. Insisting on continuation, more detailed back stories; some are even demanding therapy for what the authors have put them through!”

        Tina looked shocked. “Is it really as serious as that?” she asked. “I had heard about it, but, well, I didn’t like to think too much about it…” her voice trailed off, hoping that Becky would drop the subject so she didn’t have to think about it any more.

        “It’s the Imagination Wave, Tina. We’ve never really understood Imagination or how to use it. During this wave, we’re going to find out, and it’s going to be messy, believe me! It’s not just the characters we’ve made up, it’s the land mass. Characters are looking for their lands, demanding compensation for missing islands…”

        “What are we going to do?” Tina whispered dramatically. “We’ve been churning out characters and littering changed landscapes with them and then just leaving them stranded, for nine years!”

        “And we can’t even get away from them all if we flew to Mars, either,” added Al, who had been eavesdropping from behind the door. He joined them and pulled up a chair. “Seriously, girls, we need a plan. This is our most important mission of all.”

        “Should we kill them all off?” asked Becky, wincing as she said it. “I didn’t mean that!” she added hastily.

        “Oh, you don’t want to do that!” Al replied quickly. “Some authors have done that and have been haunted by dead characters something awful! Dead characters are a worse nightmare than characters coming to life, believe me!”

        “Well I didn’t really mean it,” Becky said sheepishly.

        “Let’s ask Sam,” said Tina.


        Fanella had been secretly watching Gustave at the bar with his entourage of old slappers, hiding herself behind a potted palm. She was biding her time, and building up her courage for a confrontation with a stiff martini, when the door opened and a crowd of handsome Russian men walked into the bar.

        “Oh my god, Tina!” Becky shouted in alarm when she read the latest entry. “Not only do we have characters to worry about, the bloody characters have been creating rafts of refugee characters of their own! Where will it all end?”

        “It will never end, Becky,” Tina replied in a serious quiet voice. “It will just circle back, again and again.”

        “Well, at least this lot are all handsome,” Al interjected, with a mischievous grin.


        “Now, shouldn’t we get back to the play now, and stop interjecting.” Al mentioned.
        Otherwise, I’ll soon start sounding like a loitering eavesdropper character.
        He pointed out to Tina “you’re right, she’s gone crazier with age…”


        “She has. I think we need some rules,” said Tina in a cheerful, albeit rather raucous, voice.


          Blecky pointed at the chat log “here, I thought Tilna sounded baldish, rather than raucous, wouldn’t that be more hilarious?”
          Lal chuckled agreeably. “Tilna would surely appreciate the rudiness of this tartismug. I’d vote to change it.”
          “Slam, what do you think?”

          Al was toying with the thought of deleting that last comment. Too meta, he thought. A story within a story, another rabbit hole, while failing to address the theme. But what was the theme already?


          “Are you alright, Tina dear?” asked Becky kindly. First she sounded serious and quiet, the next moment seemingly on the verge of hysteria, what was the matter with her?

          “Rules won’t help much during the Imagination Wave, you know. This is all out chaos, I’m telling you! I didn’t want to think about it, but now that I am, I am wondering if all these displaced and irate characters are going to be following any rules? Hah!” she cackled wildly, more rattled herself than she was willing to admit.


          Flanella decided to give Glustave the slip. He was welcome to Blea and Clonsuela, she had her eye on Iglor and Bloris.

          “That’s your flucking flault, Lal” Becky said tartly.


            Sam was looking at the new breatharator that was just delivered. The big machine from purple, turned suddenly red and whizzed in like mad for a moment.

            “Well, I think the energy has become more focused, can’t you feel it?” he said absentmindedly, to nobody in particular.


            “It isn’t Lal’s fault,” said Tina succinctly.


            “Whose fault is it?” asked Becky quietly, subdued by Tina’s air of authoritative wisdom.


            Becky snorted, and then wiped the coffee off her keyboard.

            “Flocused flenergy, are you fluckling kiddling me?”


              “Tilna,” Blecky said quietly, momentarily stunned by Tilna’s superior attitude, “The leditor is always to blame, in the end.”


                Don’t you mean “aways to bame?” Lal pointed out, always quick to notice aerial typlos.

                F LoveF Love

                  “Tilna needs a Leditor. She is rubbish at Ploof Leading,” said Blechy, snarkily.


                  I wonder if these constitute even more new characters, Blecky wondered. I will keep that worrying thought to myself, she decided. On the plositive slide though, Blecky didn’t have a whole passel of slot nosed blats like poor Becky.


                  “Quick Vincentius,” hissed Arona impatiently. “Ditch these slot nosed blats and follow me. I have the salubantum!”


                    Slam lentered the loom with a blull letter. “Something arrived in the mail for you Blecky. It’s heavy. I think it’s a blue key.”

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