The Eights’ Shift, Stories

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  • #98

      And Opening.

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      Mother Blubbit unlike her progeny wasn’t actually blue.

      She had a more pinkish rosy tint that turned red around the ears, and probably should have been called a Rosbit —a deranged thought that crossed young Peackle’s head (still on the mantelpiece in Penelope’s pristinely clean house) as he was gasping before the sizable, yet furry, and giant, roasted blubbit saddle his aching stomach was making him see instead of the now puzzled creature.


        Meanwhile, Phurt was distraught.
        Perhaps it was an unfortunate consequence of her experimental breading but the thing was… she didn’t seem capable of spawning anything else than little hot buns.


        “It is merely a matter of being aware of yourself and your direction and what you want and what shall serve you most efficiently in your exploration within your focus. Which fork at your table shall be the most efficient to consume certain cuisines? Which utensil? Shall you eat Peaslanders with a knife or shall it be more expedient to incorporate a spoon? The knife is not bad, but it may be more difficult to consume your Peaslanders. And what is it that you want? To consume the Peaslanders.”



        Maybe we ate her :yahoo_sad:


        Suprised by the unexpected visit, Mother Blubbit released a smothering plume of gases and ashes that started to fill in the tunnels of the Furcano.

        The effects were not unnoticed, as miles around, Peaslanders stopped in their daily activities (most of them being either sending blubbits ad madres or regulating the size of the peas) to stand in awe of the reactivated Furcano’s tip.
        If they had any such flying machines as they had in the Eighth dimension, they surely would have interrupted their activities too for a while… This was an event of grand importance, and maybe consequences.
        Mother Blubbit had been challenged.


        “Lilac! LILAC!” shouted Naturtium. “Lilac! We have to stop the Blubbit!”


        Lilac frowned. “But I am too hungry to stop the blubbits.”

        “Lilac, this is an unprecedented situation, we must stop the pea dust,’” said Naturtium, rather sternly.

        “Well I am confused, are we stopping the blubbits, or the pea dust?”

        Naturtium, a rather charming nickname bestowed on her when she was young – her christened name was Nasturtium, looked thoughtful for a moment. “Right” she said at last, “You go and eat. I am going to study the situation carefully. It is imperative we get this right and save the Peaslanders. I suspect they are going to need their heads back …..”


        When Lilac had finished eating, she and Nasty considered the options. The first mission was to get the Peaslanders heads back, with or without Penelope, although it was hoped that Penelope, with her vast knowledge of Blubbit lavacology, would chaperone the heads back to the Peaslanders.

        “The Fly Boat!” exclaimed Naturtium, who had just recieved an urgent transmission from the Daily Quote Dept. “We will initiate a Fly Boat mission.”


        “Make the wind blow the other way!” suggested someone in the crowd.

        “Yes! A west wind, blow it west!” piped up another.

        “Wait!” shouted another. “That would be an east wind, not a west wind!”

        “A westerly?”

        “No, an easterly is what we want!”

        “Let’s get this right, or we’ll have a fucking tornado” suggested Nasturtium grimly.


        “Great idea, Natartium!” encouraged Lilac. “Blow those blubbit buggers away!”


        Lucius Ludicrus had just arrived at the natarteum when he fainted.


        Good thing for Pee and the others deep in the furcano; having no head to start with, they didn’t suffocate from the heinous Mother Blubbit attack.

        Nothing of that sort could be said for the adventurer in the Fly Boat, as they sadly had to go back to the heliport, owing to the dreadful weather condition.

        WHAT IN THE NAME OF TARTINUN IS HAPPENING NOW!?” asked in a terribly raucous voice Pee, unable to see his way through the smoke. (Tartinun was the goddess of Peagemite, a holy yeastly paste made of fermented peas, consumed by shamans in order to bridge the gaps to the Great Unhead Aknown).

        Unable to withstand the sheer amount of decibels of that raucous cry of despair, Mother Blubbit suddenly drop dead of a spleen failure.


        “There’s no other way” said Lilac. “We must bring in the Bridge Tarts.”

        A collective gasp could be heard ricocheting around the valleys as the news travelled, gasp by gasp.


        The Peasland Natarteum was a sort of time travelling portello in the Elsespace Arrangement, staffed by bridge tarts. Just about everyone had focuses as bridge tarts, it was quite a group focus. They were always merging and shape shifting and what not, so it was hard to pin anyone down. Sometimes, however, it was rather obvious.


        Dealea Flare was usually one of the most accomplished bridge tarts, so it was a surprise to hear that she’d apparently disappeared whilst day tripping in the Neroli dimension.
        :fruit_orange: :fruit_orange: :fruit_orange: :fruit_orange: :fruit_orange:


        Suddenly it all became clear to Nasturtium. The Releasing of the Bird had gone awry with The Tampering of The Code. The giant invisible spider web tea bag that was to enclose all that annoying blubbit nonsense that was wreaking havoc all over Peasland had blinked out while nobody was focused on it.

        Obviously, as any well versed bridge tart would know, it could just as easily blink back in.


        “Are you saying that all we need is a giant blinking teabag?” inquired Lilac politely.

        “Yeah, I think if you get the guage right on the net, it should work like a dream.”

        “And what do we do with a giant teabag full of volcano dust?”

        “Lava dust tea? Are you kidding? Sells like hotcakes in some dimensions. The bridge tarts are always smuggling it through portals.”


        Lilac was rendered momentarily speechless by Nastytart’s words. Picking up her Lee Mon novel, “Making Sense in a Crazy World” she opened it at random:

        Maybe you’re not ready for the profound revelation of utter sense?

        Of course! That was it. She was not ready! :yahoo_whew:


        “Hot cakes!” Nasty shouted. “HOT CAKES!”

        Lilac rolled her eyes. I don’t think I can take much more of this nonsense, she thought.

        Nasturtium knew what Lilac was thinking and added “Hot cakes is the clue, Lilac! YEAST!”


        “Yes, yeast! There was too much yeast in the furcano mixture. Too much yeast and what happens? It rises too much! We must find a way to neutralize the yeast!”

        “Well I think I can help you there” replied Lilac helpfully. “I’ll give old Dophilus a ring. Never been a saucerer better at sorting out yeast problems. You know Horace Dophilus!” she added, seeing Nasty’s blank look. “He was a guest speaker at the Worserversity once, remember? In some circles he’s known as the Biotic Man.”

        “Oh, HIM! Go on then, give him a ring.”


          “Really, Godfrey, do you think it’s wise to let the children play tea parties down there? Every time I take a peek, it looks like they’re making a hell of a mess,” asked Elizabeth with a worried frown. “Just look at the mess they’re making with that cake. I dread to think what will happen when they ice it.”

          “I think part of the problem” Godfrey replied wryly “Is that they iced it before it had finished rising.”

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