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Just as Becky was retorting crossly to Al to please knock before remote viewing her, a clap of thunder made her jump (causing her dress to ride up alarmingly) and the heavens opened. Lashing rain soaked her to the skin, making the few threads of her dress become completely transparent.
Becky moaned in disbelief. Well, she giggled, suddenly seeing the funny side. (She was connecting to the Kuzhebarian Laughing Monks). This is one Wet Tarty Nun that couldn’t get much wetter. I hope Elvira brings a towel.
Dear A. Nine Miles,
The question of how to be better,
Can not be described in a letter.
It’s a magical thing,
The result of a fling,
Of a wet tarty nun getting wetter.I hope this helps.
Khuzebar San
Due to the unusual events in the year 2026, Nishanti and her five sisters lived in the reconstructed ancient city of Hingapooloopi that had been submerged beneath the ocean for centuries. There had been a series of tsunami’s and eathquakes and volcanic eruptions resulting in an enormous hole appearing in the sea bed into which a considerable amount of Indian Ocean sea water had disappeared, lowering the sea levels in some locations, mainly those that had risen slightly due to shifting tectonic plates.
Ten year old Nishanti and her five sisters (Hinni, 3; Yaso, 5; Yuvani, 7; Eromi, 13; and Nanda, 16) had lost their parents, and indeed most of their relatives, due to an unfortunate mishap in the kitchens two years previously in the year 2032 at the wedding party of their brother, Chandra. Gayesh, Nishanti’s eldest brother had mistakenly included poisonous red berries in the desert. Fortunately, Nishanti and her sisters had been reading the Snoot Q&A column in The Tarty Nun girls magazine that they had procured without their parents knowledge from a school trip of American tourists, in which Snoot had advised against red fruits.
Hingapooloopi was located on the land bridge , once again exposed, between Sri Lanka and the Indian continent. The reconstruction had been an enormously interesting undertaking, and Nishanti’s uncle Roshan had been involved in the ground work excavations. He found many artifacts, which he smuggled off the building site, and secreted under the floorboards of the old family home in the highlands . Perhaps the most interesting one was the crystal skull; certainly it was the one that Nishanti found the most intriguing.
Elvira was tucking into some reindeer stew left over from Becky and Sean’s wedding when she telepathically tuned into Becky’s distress signal. Chewing thoughtfully, Elvira tried to make sense of the visual imagery she was receiving. She seemed to be getting a mixed message; was it a nun, or was it a tart? She reminded herself to trust her impressions, and not discount them even if they seemed incongruous or unlikely, and accepted that Becky was indeed in some kind of tarty nun trouble. The question was, where was Becky.
Elvira pushed her empty plate away, and focused on the situation. AHA! Nutley Park, 25th bush on the left.
Boris, I’m going out, she said. Becky’s in a spot of tarty nun trouble in Nutley park.
Right Ho, dear, shall I come and help?
Another image of popped into Elvira’s head of the see-through black mini dress. Er, no Boris, I’ll handle this myself.
And with that, Elvira, sprightly old crone that she was (and fortified with mushroom laced reindeer stew) bustled off to hail a gondola cab, carrying a large carpet bag containing a selection of hastily chosen clothing.
Well, El Sanso is obviously not as popular as Snoot!
We (The Khuzebarian Sanso Gestalt) would, however, like to bring your attention to The Dance of the Red Fruits
A traditional Kuzheban Laughing Ritual. There is always a ‘Kuzhebarian Funny Side’, even with facial blotches and diarrhoea.
Becky huddled behind a bush, shivering, and trying desperately to pull down the ridiculously short dress she was wearing.
I can’t believe I came out wearing my honeymoon outfit, she grumbled crossly. No wonder that Gondola man kept sniggering and pulling his sweater down to his knees. PFFFT! The only nasty habit around here is not looking in the f’kin’ mirror before I leave the house.
Becky tried to phone Al again, and then events took a turn for the worse. Her phone battery was dead.
Surprise, surprise, a red sync, too.
Coincidentally, I saved this picture of a wedding cake yesterday.
OH! and a goat sync, too
(Lordy, is it a bacon sync, too? nooooooo……..) 
Sunshine sync (well, sunshine was mentioned in the barbie link, is that a half sync? And some of the pigs are shrimp coloured)
AAAHH HA HA HA HAHAHAAHHA I just googled ‘fixed goat race’. (‘Fixed Goat’ race, as it were, now I see it’s fixed ‘Goat Race’)
When Becky realized what she was wearing, she wished the ground would open up and swallow her. She rummaged in her bag for her phone, and called Al. She would hide behind a bush until he arrived, bringing some clothes with him, she thought.
The number you have reached is not connected at this time, the automated voice on the other end told her.
RATS! His phone was switched off.Becky tried Tina’s number. Her phone was disconnected too.
Becky tried Sean’s number. Thank Flink for that! At least it was ringing.
No answer. It rang and rang, but nobody answered.
Bloody hell! Sam’s in Australia, he can’t help, what am I going to DO? she wailed.
Elvira and Boris were knee deep in mushrooms when the strangers appeared asking for food. Visitors were few and far between at the isolated old wooden house, but it was with mixed feelings that Elvira greeted them. It would be wonderful to have a little conversation, some news of the outside world, but this was the busiest time of the year and she hardly had a moment to spare as it was.
However, she greeted them amiably enough, and invited them inside. Come in, come in, come in! she said, Would you like a cuppa? Are you hungry? There’s some reindeer stew left over from last night.
Zhana’s stomach growled loudly in response. Would I ever! I am STARVING! Zhana beamed a smile at Elvira.
Well, sit yourselves down then, if you can find a chair that’s not covered in mushrooms.
Elvira suddenly had an idea.
Are you two in a hurry? Would you stay a few days and help with the mushroom packing?
Zhana looked at Sanso, who nodded. A few days with plenty to eat before their long journey, and a few provisions to take along with them would be perfect.
Of course we will, we’d be delighted to stay and help, Zhana said to the old lady.
Splendid! Boris will be so pleased! I’m a great cook, you know, if I do say so myself. As much food as you can eat in return, eh? How does that sound? Elvira smiled at her guests. My, my, girl, what a wonderful complexion you have! she said, peering at Zhana. Like a summer peach!
Zhana blushed happily, and Sanso beamed.
It was taking longer than expected for Sanso and Zhana to find food, and they were weak with hunger when they came across the big toad. There was plenty of water; gurgling brooks and rushing streams crisscrossed their path, crystal clear with icy cool snow melt from the summer thaw. The’d found a few cow berries along the way, and they had chewed a few mushrooms but they wanted something substantial before setting off for the other side of the world. Sanso had left a trail of flourescent green cave lichen, to show them the way back to the cave entrance, which was to be their portal to Nishanti’s place.
Maybe the toad will show us the way to find food, said Zhana. Ask him, Sanso!
You ask him! replied Sanso.
No, YOU ask him. Zhana was inexplicably feeling shy.
Sanso chuckled goodnaturedly, and agreed to ask toad. He stood there silently smiling for some minutes, and Zhana began to wonder just WHEN Sanso would oblige. Her stomach was grumbling and growling and she was starting to get impatient when Sanso turned and strode purposefully off to the left.
What the…..snapped Zhana. She rushed after him, angrily shouting OY! Her foot caught on a root, sending her sprawling face down amongst the mushrooms.
Sanso turned, and couldn’t help but laugh. The more he laughed, the angrier Zhana became, causing Sanso to laugh all the more.
AAAH Ha Ha Ha! AAAHHHH Ha Ha Ha HAAAAH! OOO Hoohooo! If you could see your face all covered in blue mud and red and white spotted mushrooms, you’d laugh too!
Zhana started to cry.
There there, dear, Sanso said kindly, trying hard to stop laughing, and wiped the mess off the girls face with an old rag he found in one of his pockets. Did you know that Siberian blue mud is a much sought after beauty treatment in some places? This little mishap will do wonders for your complexion, you know.
Will it? snivelled Zhana, who had been preoccupied of late with with her adolescent skin.
Yes! There is no such thing as an accident, you know.
Well, where were you rushing off to, anyway? You promised to ask toad where to find food, and then without saying a word, you dashed off and left me!
Sanso looked perplexed. I DID ask toad!
No, you DIDN’T, retorted Zhana.
Sanso stared at her, wondering what was the matter with her. Then the penny dropped, so to speak, and he realized that Zhana was more familiar with verbal conversations, and had been unaware of the silent communication between him and toad.
Zhana, most of our conversations aren’t in words, you know, he explained gently. Listen to the non-words.
Huh? it was Zhana’s turn to look perplexed.
You do it all the time you know. You are simply not paying attention.
He winked at her, and smiled. Come on! The food is this-a-way!
I did it for you:
Feanaro Telemmaite and Nolofinwe Elanesse
Emily’s was cool: Itarilde of Dorthonian.
Darren: Elessar Carnesir
Sanso: Galdor Nenharma
Zhana: Luthien Alcarin
Rachel: Tamuril Calafalas
There’s a fun game going on in the tavern today, an elf name game
Have you heard about the giant frog from Madagascar called Beezlbufo that ate baby dinosaurs?
I read that in the newspaper today! It sounds like one of our concoctions.
After a long but uneventful ride in the yellow gondola cab, Becky stepped out onto terra firma and strolled through the park.
Various fleeting images of the wedding party flashed through her mind, and she recalled the change in Elvira after the meal. She certainly tucked into that reindeer stew, Becky mused, Had a right good scoff, she did. Funny, anyone eating four helpings of that slop would be expected to slump in a chair for an hour or two, but Elvira had sprung into life. She looked pretty good for 121 years old, but who would have guessed what a splendid dancer she was! She put the younger guests to shame with her fancy steps, and tireless enthusiasm.
And not only that, she’d really come into her own when the drunken fights started, fearlessly breaking up fights between men twice her size.
