The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler

Forums Yurara Fameliki’s Stories The Precious Life and Rambles of Liz Tattler

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  • #116
    EricEric
    Keymaster

    (And her struggles with editorial and cleaning staff anarchy)

Viewing 20 replies - 201 through 220 (of 452 total)
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  • #4140
    EricEric
    Keymaster

    “What are you doing!” Liz’ cried in anguish. “Not my plants!”

    A bonfire was in full blaze, and Felicity relished in the view. “Don’t listen to her Leo, get rid of those nasty things — no bloody wonder she can’t see reality for fiction.”

    Liz’ was appalled at the sight of the stash going in flames. “That’s it, I’m going to call the police!”

    Godfrey had to rein her and her fury in, while her towel unravelled making her look madder by the minute. “Liz’, calm down, please. Don’t make it worse, I’ll help you get rid of her, if only for your peace of mind.”
    “You snake!” She hissed, “I’m sure your in cahoots with her, she’s been planning her revenge ever since I gave all her suitcases of clothes to charity.”
    Liz’, please, listen to yourself, you’re not making any sense. Let me get you a coconut avocado smoothie to soothe your nerves. Finnley!”

    #4141
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    “Where have you kept my clothes, Liz, the boxes I left here after my last visit?” asked Felicity. Not for the first time Liz pondered the immense unsuitability of that name for a character such as her mother. She should have been named Snipe E Fuckbucket, or Condescendia Critique.

    “Well?” snapped Felicity, “Where are they?”

    “I ripped them all up and made collages.” Liz noted with smug satisfaction the look of horror on her mothers face. “Well, you did ask, last time we met, why I wasn’t creative anymore. I thought you’d approve” she added, knowing full well that she wouldn’t.

    #4142
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    I’ve a good mind to write you lot right out of the story, Liz remarked to nobody in particular.

    #4143
    EricEric
    Keymaster

    After only one day, Felicity had managed to vex everybody, Liz’ was pleased to notice.
    That would make her retaliation all the sweeter.

    Even the rude but usually pliable maid had thrown her apron in disgust of the unequivocally condescending comments of her mother about the quality of her sardines muffins and anchovy cupcakes.

    The traitor Godfrey was easy enough to bring back to the fold, with a vague promise of peanuts, and was already working on her first plan. Selloselfing everyone to frighten her mother who panicked at the idea of the zumba avocalisp. She’d seen some reportage from International Geogratis of indigenous populations dancing irresponsibly, and had been living in fear ever since.

    As for Roberto, well, Liz’ still believed he was his best and secret weapon. She knew all to well her mother’s appetite for young and firm flesh.

    #4145
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    “The turmeric has sprouted!” Liz beamed at the slender green shoots. “Finnley, where are you, come and look!”

    “Looks like the snails have been eating it,” remarked Felicity.

    Liz swung round at the sound of her voice, frowning. “You again! Get off my thread, damn you!”

    #4146
    FloveFlove
    Participant

    “Awesome news about the turmeric,” muttered Finnley.

    Everyone looked at her in surprise.

    “What!!?” Finnley rolled her eyes sighed noisily. “I happen to like turmeric. And after all, it was MY idea.”

    “And a great idea it was too,” said Liz.

    #4147
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    Liz smiled with satisfaction at the new growth of the turmeric plants. Such healthy looking shiny green leaves. As always she was amazed at where green leaves came from. Where did they come from? They just appeared out of thin air, miraculous it was. It took her mind off the battle with the latex supplier to ponder the magic of nature.

    Pondering the nature of magic in the garden reminded her of the peculiar things she’d recently read about a man who had a desire to appreciate nature, but was waiting until he had the time and the money to do it. One only has to look at the dandelions growing through the cracks of the concrete sidewalk to appreciate nature, she’d archly reminded him.

    The inflexibility of the latex supplier had been an exercise in firm but pliant resistance on her part. And it had paid off. At first it had appeared to be another aggravating and futile battle with impermeable insurmountable systems, Systems with a capital S, sacrosanct and rigid, inviolate, the new highest authority that growing hoards of the populus were dutifully grovelling at the feet of. But Liz had stood her ground, whilst simultaneously maintaining a lithe willowy air of good humour and pragmatism.

    By the time Liz had found a properly flexible and accommodating new latex supplier, the old inflexible latex supplier became acquiescing and biddable. But it was too late. With a modicum of undisguised glee, Liz informed them of this fact, and smiled with the undeniable pleasure of success.

    #4170
    EricEric
    Keymaster

    “What about a plate of shrimps Liz’?”

    “Oh no, not again !” Felicity shrieked at Finnley. “Can’t you get something else on the menu?”

    “Oh, you’re still here?” Liz’ looked apathetically at her mother. “Thought you would be gone by now… Finnley” she motioned at the distant plate “hand over the turmeric. I’m in the mood for an Indian dressing.”

    #4171
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    This 1954 stamp from Burma must mean something, thought Liz, pondering the latest clue to appear at her feet.

    #4172
    EricEric
    Keymaster

    “Isn’t it called Myanmar now?” ever the snotty one replied.

    There was an old python of Burma
    Who liked to tie itself into knots” …

    #4173
    FloveFlove
    Participant

    “what on earth are you on about?” asked Finnley. “I go away for 5 minutes …. 5 minutes,” she repeated with emphasis and several eye rolls, “and everything goes to pot. I have barely got over the horror of having to go on holiday and now I have this load of rubbish to contend with. I am, quite frankly, flabbergasted and dismayed.”

    #4174
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    “You do exaggerate so, Finnley,” remarked Liz. “It was much longer than five minutes, and you chose to go when all the rest of the staff were on holidays too. Damned inconsiderate of you all, really! You’re lucky you still have a position here to come back to, my girl.”

    Liz shuffled some papers on her desk in a businesslike manner and then blew the ensuing dust off her keyboard with a flourish.

    “And don’t make those vile gestures behind my back.”

    #4176
    FloveFlove
    Participant

    “As a matter of fact, I was dancing,” said Finnley with exaggerated politeness. “It is something I do to get back in the flow of the Universe … and counteract negativity.” She looked pointedly at Liz.

    “Anyway,” she continued, “allow me read to read a little from the great Prof E P Lemon’s latest offering:

    It’s also like in taiji, you sometimes get into that flow state but for that you need to go past the learning phase, can’t really go around that.

    Finnley looked sympathetically at Liz.

    “Perhaps you are still at the taiji learning phase, Liz.”

    “How would I learn taiji?” asked Liz humbly. “I can see you are a master, dearest and wise Finnley.”

    Finnley looked thoughtful. “Apparently the Prof used to go regularly up a mountain. The air is more taiji up there … maybe you could do that? Don’t worry I will take care of things here,” she said quickly, envisaging the peace and tranquility of a few days without Liz continually haranguing her.

    “Take as long as you need to get some taiji,” she added with what she hoped was a kind smile.

    #4177
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    “I’m not falling for that, Finnley. And I was being sarcastic, not humble. As if!” Liz snorted. “You silly goose. Now then, where is Godfrey and that scrumtious gardener, what’s his name? I’m reminded of a story.”

    Roberto? Didn’t you send him to another thread? Or turn him into a dastardly escaped criminal, or psychic double agent or something?” asked Finnley, who had come to her senses and removed the strange grimace masquerading as a smile from her otherwise rather sweet and curious face.

    “That’s much too long, Liz,” she added. “A “strange grimace masquerading as a smile from her otherwise rather sweet and curious face”? Bit wordy, isn’t it?”

    Finnley, please!” Liz was aghast. “You know you’re not supposed to do that!”

    #4178
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    “I recalled a dream last night. One thing led to another, maybe I’ll tell you about that later, but it is connected, so remind me later. Then I was reminded of a story. Then I had a message from someone about a dream about a writer with a maid called Agnes, and she had recalled another story about Brooklyn. And of course, that got me thinking about stories. And story characters! And us!”

    At this point in Liz’s monologue she paused and looked meaningfully at Godfrey, Finnley and Roberto. She repressed an urge to slap Roberto, who was gazing out of the window (thinking about mountain tajines no doubt), to get his attention for the meaningful look that she wanted to give him, and cleared her throat loudly instead.

    Not a moment later she had to control the urge to slap Finnley, who was just about to make another remark about the length of her sentences.

    “I didn’t say a word!” Finnley exclaimed with righteous indignation. “I only thought about it!”

    “And I didn’t slap you, did I. I only thought about it too!” retorted Liz.

    “Ah, but you’re the one who wrote it down. You’ve gone and done it once you write it down.”

    “Don’t be daft,” replied Liz. But she wondered, what if?

    #4179
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    “Why don’t you get on with telling us your dream and then we can all bugger off,” prompted Finnley.

    “It was a big rambling house, much more to it than we expected. The kind of house with lots and lots of little rooms and different areas, and two or three people here or there, doing whatever they were doing. Sort of odd people, but not madly strange. A lovely feeling of curiosity and interest, and a marveling at how much more there was than we had anticipated. It was the kind of place,” Liz said, “That I could have moved into and not changed a thing.”

    Roberto and Finnley started to fidget noisily while Liz was lost in the remembrance of wandering around the labyrinthine dream house.

    “Did you move into it?” asked Godfrey.

    “Well that is the funny thing, old bean. I said to Dan, in the dream, when I noticed the place was on the top of some very steep close together craggy mountain peaks with narrow bridges between them, I said “ Dan, I’ll never be able to drive all the way home in the dark after classes” and he said with a chuckle, “That’s what I was thinking.” It seems as if I had been contemplating taking a course at this place. But you know what I think?”

    Liz paused to make sure everyone was paying attention.

    “I don’t think you need to drive a car to get to that place.”

    #4180
    FloveFlove
    Participant

    “Who is Dan?” asked Finnley, puzzled.

    #4181
    EricEric
    Keymaster

    “And where has Felicity gone?” Godfrey mused aloud.

    #4182
    FloveFlove
    Participant

    “Forget about that!” cried out Roberto who was still looking out the window. “Who is this strange man wearing a hat lurking in the garden?!”

    “So many questions and so few answers,” smirked Finnley.

    #4183
    TracyTracy
    Participant

    “What on earth are you all babbling about? Can’t you see I’m busy on volume one of The Psychic Detective?” You just can’t get the staff these days, Liz added to herself.

    “We all heard that,” replied the staff in unison.

    “You should all have known about the Greenville case, then” snapped Liz.

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